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Vera (not her real name), 38, has had three serious boyfriends and her last relationship ended eight years ago. The communications executive in a public relations firm, who looks much younger than her age with her petite frame and long hair, says she is looking for the ‘clickability factor’ in a man.
Three years ago, I joined the Social Development Unit. I took a pro-active stance and wrote to about five men who put up their pictures on the website. I later dated two of them who were about my age.
Unfortunately, we didn’t click. I don’t think it had anything to do with my age. It was more a personality thing.
I also tried another dating website based in Singapore, but that was absolutely useless. It was basically for people who were fooling around.
Many of them were looking for women who are ‘open-minded’.
I go to the gym a lot. Yes, you can meet people there but most of the time I’m so focused on exercising that no one approaches me.
The best and safest avenue I’ve tried so far is to get friends to help you. A lot of women are very shy. They’ll go ‘no lah,’ people will say I’m desperate’.
But I think there’s nothing wrong with advertising the fact that you need a bit of help, not only because you are at a slight disadvantage, but also because we all lead very busy lives.
Of course, I don’t say to my friends: ‘Go out there and get a man for me.’ I just told some of them that I need help and I gave them my basic requirements: preferably Chinese, educated, with a sense of humour.
As for age, I don’t mind if the guy is about three years younger or 10 years older than I am. I don’t want to go for anyone younger than that.
My last boyfriend was five years my junior and I think he felt inferior because I had more work experience and was well-travelled. A few friends introduced me to some men who were about my age. All of the matches have not come to anything, but I’ve got to know more people as a result because these men have introduced me to their friends, too.
When you’re in your early 20s, you’ll tell yourself: I’m a career woman. I want to buy that Gucci bag before I’m 25.
You work yourself silly and then suddenly you blink and you’re 30. I used to party a lot, so I’m a bit more jaded than most other girls.
I look at the guys who are at the same club all the time and think to myself: ‘I am not going to pick them.’ Of course, that means I’m also there all the time and they could very well be thinking the same of me.
But then, you come out of the party scene, you look around and you realise, ‘Darn. I don’t know any other guy other than these party guys.’
And you find that a lot of the guys whom you could have picked are already attached. You’ve spent your whole life playing the fool.
But I have no regrets. Even if I could turn back the clock, I’d still have done what I did. That’s life.
I have my good days and bad days. When I feel lonely, I’ll hit the gym or get busy with church activities.
One of the main reasons I want to get married is I would like to have a child. I feel the pressure of the biological clock now, but of course I won’t scare a guy away by telling him this the first time we meet.
My older brother says to me all the time: ‘Don’t be so picky. Look at yourself. You’re not a spring chicken anymore. Your dowry value has gone down.’
He is single but he says he can afford to wait because ‘I’m a man’. But I don’t believe in settling for less just because I don’t want to be alone.
If I do that, I’m sure I’ll be a whole lot lonelier later in life.
And I still believe that almost all men are also looking for The One.
Hopefully, it’s not The One who’s 10 years younger.
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