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WHAT ARE MEN GOOD FOR?

Date: 2006-11-23
With IVF now available to single women, we ask..

SORRY guys, but it looks like your days are numbered...

A proposed revision to the Human Fertilisation And Embryology Act will permit single women and lesbians to have IVF treatment without a father figure in the child's life. So is the writing on the wall for the male of the species?

ONE of the defining things about chaps is that we're useful: a sort of fleshy Swiss Army knife. We're useful in a crisis - even if we made the crisis happen.

So the news that lesbians and single women will be eligible for IVF really doesn't affect my personal usefulness directly.

For one thing, I never planned on fathering a child with a lesbian and like most males, I scrubbed "impregnate all the women of the world" off my To Do list once I passed the age of 17.

Just because women have now won the right to have the careers they deserve, doesn't mean we chaps should sulk because the only thing we can do that's special is make babies.

I'm a dab hand, say, at unblocking sinks and rescuing cats. But I do hate spiders.

BRIAN READE

FACE it, girls. Without men life would be as dull as a sub-titled documentary on a Latvian feminist co-operative.

Who would you moan at, feel superior to, blame the stained toilet on or wait in vain by the phone for?

Who'd tell you your bum looks good in jeans when it looks like a bag of spanners, or send you flowers when they've cocked up?

Who'd get the hair out of the plug hole or the lid off the curry sauce jar? Who would you flirt with or blame for losing the house keys? And who would you cuddle up to at night before whispering: "Are the bins out?"

Admit it. Without men, you'd be screwed. But without the fun.

FIONA PHILLIPS

WOMEN can definitely cope on their own, but we would miss men way too much to want to do away with them all together.

There are still jobs for them - who would put the pictures up? Mow the lawn? In a funny way, I'd miss picking up their dirty pants, trousers and socks from the floor.

We've all had broken relationships, and although we might say men are useless and drive us mad, when we lose them it's a totally different ball game.

When my husband Martin is away, the boys and I cope well and I often jokingly tell him we don't need him. But the point is, we all miss him terribly.

Women can do everything by ourselves, but let's face it, we don't really want to.

JIM SHELLEY

NEWS that single women and lesbians can now receive IVF on the NHS effectively means men are now as redundant as turkey basters - more so if you're actually cooking a turkey.

The old joke used to be that men were only good for one thing - putting out the rubbish. But have you seen the mess men have even made of that nowadays?

For decades, women would resort to "getting a man in" to do any number of jobs from changing a fuse to putting a shelf up. But the New Man is increasingly useless at both of these. Nowadays, even they say they need to get a man in. Women learned not to rely on them and rightly so.

So what are men good for? Watching football, forgetting Valentine's Day, carrying their kids on their shoulders ...

It's not much. But we are very good at it.

SUE CARROLL

TRICKY one. But assuring us our bums don't look big in that expensive new frock - then paying for it' talking to the computer nerd in Mumbai after the screen went black (because hitting it didn't work, did it?)' managing to pass for Brad Pitt in a dim light after several bottles of Rioja' reminding us that despite all medical advancements there's no cure for man flu.

Making us laugh with their Basil Fawlty impressions at airports: "OK, that's fine - the flight's boarding but you have another coffee/trail around the shops. Why not do your hair while you're at it? We'll just fly across the Atlantic hanging on to the wing. Right. That's it, I'm going. Please yourself. Er, where's my passport?" And, bless them, knowing when we need a cuddle.

PAUL ROUTLEDGE

THE wish is father to the thought, I'm sure. But tell me this, sisters, where are you going to get the sperm from if you abolish us?

It's no use saying you can build up a big bank of the life-creating stuff, because like every account it will run out one day. And we have a monopoly of production. It's a closed shop.

Just let the female of the species try to proclaim us surplus to requirements, and I shall call the lads out on indefinite sperm strike. That'll show 'em.

Meanwhile, we'll just get on with what we're good at - opening doors, changing light bulbs, fetching the coal, paying the bills, digging the garden and bringing dead animals back to the cave for supper.

Oh, and sex.

POLLY HUDSON

THERE'S that old joke that you can't introduce your Rampant Rabbit to your parents, but mine have weird priorities and as long as it was wearing a shirt that had been properly ironed, they'd probably be quite cool with it.

Long before this change to the IVF rules, I've known that women can do everything, all at once. Unlike men, who find it a challenge to stand up and have a thought at the same time.

Women can mow the lawn, use a drill, take the bins out and fix cars - well, Charlene from Neighbours could anyway.

But let's face it, life would be pretty dull without boys.

And I'm sure they have their uses - they're just good at hiding them.

KEVIN MAGUIRE

BLOKES redundant? Excuse me.

Who would catch that daddy long legs in the bedroom?

Who'd change a fuse or repair the puncture on the kids' bikes?

Who'd put up wonky shelves in the dining room?

Who'd lug the suitcases on holiday then get the blame if the flight's late?

Who'd suffer grief for forgetting Valentine's Day, whenever it is?

Who'd stumble downstairs, naked, to investigate a bang in the night?

Who'd book the car's MoT?

Who'd push the trolley round Asda on a Saturday morning?

So males are redundant? Please don't make me laugh.

I dream of a P45 and the Missus fishing a spider from the bath.

COLEEN NOLAN

I DON'T think men know where they stand anymore because women's attitudes towards them have changed.

Women don't see them as potential fathers anymore, and that's very sad because the whole idea of male-female romance, love, marriage and making babies together is dying out. We're bringing up a whole generation of girls who think they don't need blokes.

But I couldn't imagine the world without men because I love everything about them. I know there are some gits, but the majority are lovely. I love the romance of being with a man, and although I know I could cope as a single parent I don't want to.

Finally, sex. It doesn't matter how many sexual aids there are out there, nothing beats the real thing, trust me!





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