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Workers 'are more caring towards colleagues than their loved ones'

Date: 2006-11-23

COUPLES are "seriously jeopardising" their relationships by putting work ahead of their personal lives, a new report has found.

In a survey of more than 1,000 workers, almost half admitted they put more time and effort into their relationships with office colleagues than with their partners.

The "critical hour" between finishing work and sitting down for dinner is one of the most significant bonding times between couples. But it is under threat because socialising with workmates can appear a more attractive prospect.

To make matters worse, more than a third of Scots confessed to carrying out more caring tasks for workmates - such as going for teas, coffees and snacks and helping them with errands in their lunch hours - than they do for loved ones at home.

But it is the "critical hour" which has become a battleground for today's professionals, according to the At Home Society, a body which encourages couples to reclaim time for themselves.

Dr Roger Henderson, the report's author, said over-socialising with workmates was short-sighted considering the average length of time employees spend in each job is four years.

"Professionals who think staying late won't make a difference to their home lives are seriously mistaken.

"Whatever you think you're achieving by spending this hour with colleagues, do be aware this is a sacrifice of vital relationship-building time at home. You may regard your personal relationship as solid, but it's all too easy to take it for granted. Over time, the consequences of prioritising workmates instead of winding down at home will, in my opinion, lead to serious problems.

"Personal relationships need constant nurturing, so make sure you show the same generosity of spirit in the home as you do at work, through small acts of love and concern for your partner."

However, Dr Henderson admitted a number of men deliberately chose to go to the pub to avoid the "witching hour" at home when babies and children were being fed and given a bath.

The problem was also more of an issue in cities rather than rural areas.

David Lonsdale, assistant director of CBI Scotland, said most employers were aware of the difficulties arising from juggling work and domestic arrangements.

"Indeed, having a poor work-life balance can often result in stress, absenteeism, and less productive employees.

"This is not in the interests of employers and helps explain why firms are increasingly aware and supportive of the benefits of providing flexible working practices and absence-management policies, and continuing to invest in time and project management training."

The research also found stay-at-home partners often accuse their other halves of neglecting them but many are too anxious to raise the subject, it is claimed.

Disturbingly, more than one in ten Scottish couples is exercising an "amoratorium" - an agreement to put their relationship on hold in order for one or both of them to get ahead in their career.

The culture of staying late at work appears to have got worse over the past year. Last year the At Home Society revealed 19 per cent of the Scottish workforce regularly stayed in the office until 8pm. This figure has now risen to 34 per cent of all Scottish workers.

Chris Barter, spokesman for the union Unison, said sometimes employees had little choice on working late.

"There is increasing pressure in terms of workload and far more pressure to deliver than ever before. This means people stay on later than they want to which is the result of problems with how things are organised by employers."

The study involved interviews with 1,120 working and cohabiting adults.

'I HAVE TO GO TO KEEP UP WITH GOSSIP'

CASE STUDY

DIANE Lester is an award-winning radio broadcaster on Edinburgh's Talk107 radio station.

Ms Lester socialises a couple of times a week after work mostly with business contacts and friends, but doesn't believe it damages her relationship with her husband David, an engineer.

"I might have wee drink up at some event I've been invited to and would never miss that. There are certain ones you really have to go to keep up with gossip and your colleagues. In my line of work you've got to have loads to talk about on air and going out means I don't miss anything.

"David sometimes works late or goes to karate, so we are out doing different things. I think not spending every spare moment together makes you appreciate your partner."

But Ms Lester said there had to be trust within a relationship if partners were socialising separately.

"If you were insecure I'm sure your partner not coming home for hours on end would bother you greatly."





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