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HOW many desperate and dateless people do you know?
Maybe I'm imagining things, but it seems there are a lot more of them around these days.
There are heaps of single women in their 30s, often highly attractive and articulate.
There are lots of young blokes who seem to be indefinitely single too.
They generally don't have any obvious social diseases, but the world of couples seems to pass them by.
Perhaps it's the circles I move in, but I seem to encounter long-term singles all the time. Are they all dedicated swinging singles, committed to the freedom and independence of the single lifestyle?
I doubt it. I had a sudden unwelcome burst of single status in my early 40s.
It wasn't much fun. One minute I was married with two small children and the next I was on the market, living in a cheap flat and paying heaps of child support.
My immediate reaction to the prospect of finding a new partner was irritation, and a slight touch of fear.
Do I have to go through this all over again? Couldn't I just put an ad in the paper or something? But what if no one's interested?
We're all insecure about our own attractiveness, sometimes with good reason. It's easy to get discouraged and withdraw into your shell.
It's easy to make excuses to yourself. In some ways it seems much easier for people to pair off these days.
We've got speed dating, internet dating and dating agencies. Curing the single condition has become an industry. So why are there lots of single people everywhere you look?
Social changes have played a big part. The pressure on women to get married and have babies is less intense.
Many women are more educated and have wider options. Their expectations are higher.
Some men have been left behind by economic change. Low-skilled blue-collar workers are less attractive as partners than they used to be and they now have the lowest marriage rates.
The huge increase in divorce has created many singles, who find it difficult to re-partner.
Single mums with young kids and divorced men with child support obligations generally aren't among the ranks of the most desirable.
Consumer culture has played a role. Some expect near perfection and wonder why they're single for years. Others look at prospective partners like buying a house or a car.
There are giant internet dating sites that people use like car showrooms and furniture catalogues.
In a world dominated by instant gratification we often lose sight of the things that make relationships more substantial and joyful.
Lots of perfectly normal, decent people get condemned to second-class status by sweeping insults like "loser" and "dog".
Sheer numbers also play a role. Apparently there are 57,000 more men than women in their 20s in Australia. And there are 30,000 more women in their 30s and 40s.
Someone has to miss out somewhere along the line. So what should we do about it?
A bit of empathy wouldn't go astray. Being a bit less judgmental about other people's attributes wouldn't hurt either.
Singles are getting it in the neck from all sides. Their taxes are going up while everyone else is getting family payments and discounts.
Sure, some people genuinely choose the single lifestyle, but the explosion in dating services shows that most singles would rather be in a relationship.
There were certain aspects of the single lifestyle I enjoyed, too. But nothing can substitute for the deep emotional bond of a long-term relationship.
I got lucky and somehow found the most wonderful person I've ever met.
I hope all those people who are endlessly wandering through internet dating sites get lucky too.
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