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David Aguilar, 29, and Ernie Aguilar, 34, turn and smile, surrounded by friends and family in an ornate church. Their vows to each other are beautiful and heartfelt, but same-sex ceremonies are not something most people are familiar with.
David and Ernie met at a speed-dating party in 2003 while both lived in New York. They lived in the same neighborhood, just blocks from each other, but had never met.
After they dated for a while, Ernie interviewed for the doctoral program in medical humanities at the University of Texas Medical Branch and loved the area and people. At first, he didn’t know how to tell David. When he finally did, David just said: “OK, when do we leave?”
David said he knew Ernie was the one and didn’t mind leaving New York.
The couple moved in together in Galveston and set up joint bank accounts and bought a car together. David is studying in Houston to become a chiropractor.
After the couple settled in Galveston, David “sort of made it clear that, if there were ever to be a marriage proposal, I would have to propose,” Ernie said.
Ernie bought matching silver bands and planned to make that proposal during a trip to San Francisco for a friend’s wedding.
He took David to a redwood forest in Cathedral Grove Park, where he wanted to ask David to marry him.
It was raining on the drive up, and they stopped to buy ponchos. During their walk through the forest, Ernie had a little conversation in his head with God: “It had better clear up or this isn’t going to happen.”
Ernie described how they walked around a corner and “it’s one of those Hollywood movie moments.”
“It comes into sight, and rain stops and the clouds part. It’s beautiful now, but there are people there, and I didn’t want anyone there.”
Finally the area cleared out and Ernie knelt down, saying he had something in his shoe.
He pulled out the rings and said: “By the way, will you marry me?”
David was speechless; it took him a few moments to say yes.
The couple thought of getting married someplace where it was legal, such as Canada or Massachusetts, but changed their minds. They knew it wouldn’t mean anything legally when they got back to Texas.
“For both of us, the trade-off was to go somewhere where it was legal or to have friends and family there,” David said.
Ernie added: “The piece of paper from the government doesn’t legitimize our relationship, it doesn’t add any value. So to wait for that or to go somewhere to get that where we didn’t have our friends and family to witness it wasn’t worth it.
“To have this now and to have it this way is better. Oct. 14 will always be our anniversary. A legal wedding in the future will have its pragmatic value.”
David changed his last name to Aguilar to match Ernie’s. They keep power-of-attorney papers on hand since their marriage is not recognized by the state.
There are 27 states in the country that have passed legislation banning gay marriage. Texas passed the ban in November 2005.
“I listen to people talk and I listen to what they have to say,” Ernie said. “Given their framework and their upbringing and world view, I can understand their point of view and why they believe the way they do. And yet I’m hoping, and maybe it’s against hope, that the more it’s talked about it’s seen as normal.”
Although many political and religious leaders have been vocal in their opposition to gay marriage, Ernie sees things differently.
He has a master’s of divinity degree from Washington Theological Union and worked as a chaplain for 10 years.
“It’s funny because I listen to the preachers who want to quote pieces from the Bible and make it clear that the Bible is against us, and I also hear equally educated, ordained Christian preachers who take other pieces from the Bible and say this is perfectly legitimate and supported by the Bible,” he said.
Ernie recalled seeing Episcopal Bishop John Shelby Spong speak during a Gay Pride Sunday service in New York.
“I thought it was interesting that a straight man was asked to come in, sort of the epitome of the majority, a white straight male, ordained bishop, to preach on Gay Pride Sunday,” Ernie said.
Spong used the story of Jonah and the whale in his sermon.
“When he first started, I thought, ‘I know that story; what does it have to do with what’s going on?’” Ernie recalled. “His point was that Jonah was insistent that he was not going to go preach where he was being sent by God. The point being that it wasn’t up to Jonah to decide who gets included in the circle of the family of love.”
It is often said that gay marriage is endangering the institution of marriage, but “there is no invitation to dialogue with that position,” Ernie said. “It’s gay marriage is a threat to marriage, period.
“It logically doesn’t make any sense. Just because gay men and lesbian women are going to begin marrying, there’s no reason to think that straight couples are going to marry less.”
Because David is going to school in Houston, Ernie took care of booking the church and other details. He remembers the day he went to St. Joseph’s Church to look around.
“The woman working showed me around and gave me the details, and we sat down to sign the contract,” he said. “She reaches over, puts her hand on my arm, says, ‘I want to tell you something,’ sort of very somber.
“Apparently another same-sex couple, two women, contacted her and they were equally concerned about being upfront and had some trouble elsewhere. She tears up and she just says how angry she gets because any loving couple shouldn’t have to worry about where they are able to be a couple and celebrate their relationship. It imparted such love and support from her, a total stranger. It was an amazing moment.”
The night before their wedding, David and Ernie had a barbecue for their families and friends. It was the first time their parents had met, even though they had heard stories about each other through their sons.
It was a casual evening of laughter and conversation, and the night ended early in preparation for the big day.
Saturday morning, David and Ernie showed up at St. Joseph’s Church for the rehearsal. It was the first time David had been in the church. He had only seen photos and looked in through the keyhole. He loved it.
The Rev. Melinda Townsend flew in to officiate the ceremony. She is a friend of Ernie’s.
He performed the ceremony when she and her partner, Susan Hebert, got married, and she agreed to return the favor.
“When everybody started arriving and we were getting ready, that’s when it really started to sink in,” David said. “I just kept thinking this is it — this is it.”
The couple had their photos made with their families and walked over to the church.
Standing out front, they turned to each other and smiled. The moment had finally come.
The wedding party took its first steps. Ernie and David were escorted down the aisle by their parents. More than 120 people filled the church.
After the ceremony, they took a carriage ride to UTMB’s Open Gates for the reception and a night of dancing. During the carriage ride, cars honked and people waved. They passed another carriage with a bride and her wedding party.
The couple arrived at Open Gates to a large crowd cheering. As the night wore on, they shared their first dance as a married couple. They mingled and danced with friends and family. Everywhere, there were smiles.
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