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Paul Esserman can still hear his mother's voice:
"Don't become a bachelor!"
In the 1950s when this Denver stockbroker was a teenager, being a bachelor was regarded as a transitional time in a man's life. It was just a phase before marriage -- and a good woman -- would straighten out that man.
But today, people are saving marriage for later in life. Pair that trend with the rising rate of divorce and the result is that people are living more of their lives as singles.
That means the world is full of more bachelors than ever.
Esserman, 63, has noticed the shift away from the time when longtime bachelors were deemed deviant, neurotic or immoral. It used to be that bachelors were the guys who "spent a lot of time just going over to people's houses and visiting," he says. "The wives thought, `What is it with this guy?' "
Esserman still expects to be the butt of bachelor jokes among his married friends. Yet young people tend to ignore his single status.
"I've never had a friend's child come up to me and say, `God, what's your deal?," he says. "That made me realize I was just fine being single."
Last year, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, a person's average age at first marriage was at an all time high of 27 for men and 25 for women. That's five years later in life for both sexes than 50 years ago.
"Singlehood isn't transitional anymore; marriage is," says Bella DePaulo, author of "Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized and Ignored and Still Live Happily Ever After."
In the 1950s, 80 percent of American households were inhabited by married couples, according to the census. Today, it's just under 50 percent.
Bachelors in particular have been forced to respect how they handle single life, says Stephanie Coontz, visiting scholar at the University of Denver and author of "Marriage: A History, How Love Conquered Marriage."
Men today believe bachelorhood is about growing up and learning how to fend for themselves.
Gone is the stereotypical drunken bachelor who lives in a pizza-box-strewn studio apartment and can't boil water. That idea has been trumped by the suave, cool "metrosexual" who takes cooking classes and pays designers to create his ultimate bachelor pad.
Esserman says he doesn't know what a "bachelor pad" is. But he digs his two bedroom condo in a Denver high-rise and his studio apartment in Vail. People say his art and furniture are tasteful -- before ribbing him about a perpetually empty refrigerator.
His time is his own, something he's aware of when he rolls into his favorite eatery for dinner at 9:45 p.m. He volunteers, skis and dates, all on his own terms. "It just feels good being single," Esserman says.
Today's bachelors also tend to have more discretionary income than they used to.
That means they own vacation homes and indulge in a high-tech lifestyle, says Bob Nachsin. This expert on prenuptial agreements and divorce law also co-wrote "I Do, You Do, but Just Sign Here."
Not that all single men are resigned to long-term bachelorhood. Other research indicates that most men prefer marriage. For instance, single men trail single women in purchasing homes.
Some experts believe that fact indicates men tend not to live single life to the fullest in the same way that many single women do.
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