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Can't help not falling in love

Date: 2006-10-23

With nearly half of men and a third of women in their early to mid-30s remaining single in Japan, marriage doesn't seem all that popular anymore.

Yet bachelorhood is not usually a matter of choice: A poll by the National Institute of Population and Social Security Research finds that the most common reason cited by singles in the 25-34 age bracket for not marrying is "an inability to meet suitable partners."

So far, so obvious. But it's the reason why, according to Spa!, that more and more singles are turning to the Internet to meet that special someone to spend the rest of their lives with. They are doing that through a slew of newly created matchmaking sites catering exclusively to marriage-minded adults.

One of the leading sites, Excite Renai Kekkon, has nearly 22,000 subscribing members after three years in business. One of its main rivals, Yahoo Enmusubi, is catching up fast, with around 14,500 since it went online last year.

Kota Takada of Yahoo Enmusubi sees a direct link between the popularity of his site and the dearth of "suitable partners," as cited in the institute's poll.

"In the old days, men and women had all sorts of chances to meet, such as omiai (arranged meetings), or old ladies in the neighborhood acting as intermediaries.

"Nowadays, of course, the trend is for marriages based on mutual love. Yet even so, singles can't always find the right partner within their own circles," Takada explains.

Just ask 29-year-old Miyuki, who describes all the young men at the IT company where she works as "computer geeks."

"I just can't find the right guy," she grumbles, which is why she signed up with a marriage site.

Of course, matchmaking, or "encounter" sites, are nothing new in Japan. They were one of the first things to hit the World Wide Web in a big way back in the mid-1990s. But the latest crop of marriage-oriented sites is distinctly different from these in a number of ways.

For one, the screening of people applying for membership is lengthy and stringent.

"We require applicants to submit official identification, such as driver licenses, beforehand. We only take people aged at least 22 who are single and gainfully employed," Excite's Susumu Obata says.

"It can take couple of hours to finish filling out the applicant forms," confirms an exasperated journalist, identified only as "A."

Spa! has enlisted him and two colleagues to join and try out several of the sites.

The trio soon discovers another thing that sets marriage sites apart from the encounter sites -- the intensity and fussiness of their registered members.

After the laborious application process is finished, they send out a torrent of e-mails to female fellow members. The response rate is a measly 10 percent. And many of the women who do respond are exceedingly standoffish.

"Be more specific about your job," demands one. Says another, "I think we should communicate by e-mail for a while before actually meeting."

Eventually, after many e-mail exchanges, the three journalists each wrangle dates. "There's no one I can meet at work," says Emi (a pseudonym), who works in the beauty goods section of a department store.

The other two women echo that refrain.

Moreover, romance is hardly in the air during all three engagements. Rather, the mood is set by some hard-nosed pragmatism.

"You've got a solid salary for someone your age," Emi gushes to journalist A. "If we were to marry, I think it'd be good having that double income."

So Spa! wonders about the women's common claim of a dearth of suitable partners around. The flood of rejection letters they send out to legions of men as well as the clinical attitude during the dates seem to indicate that the problems lie with the women's expectations -- they're just unrealistically high.





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