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Love at first byte as couple find romance on internet

Date: 2006-10-17

ALONE in front of her computer, Susan Duffy sat watching the flickering screen waiting to see who else was online.

Like so many singletons looking for a relationship, she had signed up for the dating site match.com out of curiosity more than anything else.

A little notice flashed up - there was one other user from her area online. With a deep breath she decided it was time to dive in.

She sent off a quick e-mail to see who he was and find out a bit more about him, and within minutes had started a conversation that would change her life.

Two years later as she and her fiance Andrew Charnock head off for a romantic weekend together, leaving their nine-month-old son in the care of his grandparents, the 29-year-old administrator with West Lothian Council recalls that love was the last thing she expected to find at the touch of a button.

Susan says: "I was at a point in my life where I wanted to meet someone and I thought I would give it a go. If it didn't work out, I would know better."

Susan and Andrew are just two of thousands who have logged on in a search to meet someone. Internet dating has been steadily growing for years, and recent research has shown that a boom in cyber-romance means couples are now far more likely to meet over the web than face to face.

Computer-based introductions are now even replacing traditional hotspots such as parties or holidays as the best way to meet a mate, according to a new survey by financial services firm Mint.

Susan and Andrew can believe it. Indeed Andrew, 28, a buyer for a construction firm had, like Susan, only registered with the site more from curiosity than anything else. But the pair spent the next week sending each other e-mails and soon realised they had a lot in common.

"It was just really easy to talk to him," says Susan. "We hit it off straight away and soon we were talking on the phone and sending text messages."

Then came the crunch - the first face-to-face meeting, which both admitted had made them nervous. "We were both concerned about it, and I suppose we were both just hoping we would have the same relationship in person as we had done online and on the phone," says Susan.

"We met in Edinburgh for a few drinks and it all went brilliantly. We saw each other for dinner the next day and it just went from there."

Within a few months they had moved in together and in 2005 they bought a flat together. Shortly afterwards Susan became pregnant with Sam and now they have moved to Armadale and plan to get married next year.

"It's definitely the best relationship I've ever had and I was surprised that I found it online," admits Susan. "You hear so many bad things about the type of people who prowl around the internet and when I told my parents how we'd met they were terrified, until they met him and realised he's a perfectly normal guy. I tell everyone about it now, and most people are a bit shocked, but I think a lot of them will give it a try because they've seen that it can work."

Perhaps it's because of success stories like Susan and Andrew's that more are turning to the internet to find their perfect partner.

"There are a lot of people around who are very shy who would prefer to do things by e-mail rather than in person and it's a matter of building a relationship by self disclosure, rather like how pen pals work," says Ben Williams, city-based certified psychologist

"I don't necessarily think it's a good thing for shy people though, because they are never going to build up their social skills that way." And he warns: "People do need to be very careful as well."

With this in mind, most sites have advice about personal safety, such as not to give out personal contact details until you are quite happy you know enough about someone, to meet in public and to tell friends or family where you are going.

But the recent figures show that the scare stories have done nothing to stop people pursuing internet romance. Some believe the boom may also be down to the fact that as people are working longer hours, going online is the most convenient way to find romance.

The most important consideration when choosing the perfect dating site, according to Jane Spencer-Rolfe, managing director of dating website nomorefrogs.co.uk, is to make sure that you are going to be mixing with your sort of people.

"However many millions of members a service claims to have, and however 'clever' their technical functionality, at the end of the day people need to be matched with potentially-compatible people," she says.

"Then it is down to the actual communication between any two members and how that progresses, and no dating site can do that for someone! It still takes time, effort, trust - mixed with a willingness to take a bit of a risk and see how things go - just like in real life."





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