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“I love that band!” “That’s my favorite movie too.” “I think you’re beautiful/sexy/hot.” “We should hang out — we have a lot in common.”
Ten years ago, this would have sounded like a script from a first date, but as the Internet casts its web across our lives, young people (and not-so-young people) are using the World Wide Web to sift through thousands of potential dates in a matter of minutes. Thanks to the creation of Web sites like MySpace and Facebook, anyone can log on, type in his or her personal information and interests in music, movies, books and television and upload photos of potential mates, all with a mask of anonymity.
That same anonymity the Internet affords the searchers is also granted to those being sought. Photographs can be altered, ages adjusted and interests fabricated. With any given profile one never knows what is truthful and what is embellished.
University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee sophomore Dylan Olsen had an unpleasant online dating experience. He met a girl on Facebook after she sent him a message about their mutual interests. He was attracted to her photograph and they began corresponding. After about a week, they agreed to meet.
The meeting went less than stellar. They found that the common interests and personality similarities they shared online and on the telephone didn’t translate well to the face-to-face interaction.
“I’m never doing that again. Or, if I did, I would talk to her for more than a week,” Olsen said.
“Meeting people online was just really annoying,” said a former UWM student (who wishes to remain anonymous) who tried it, but instantly disliked it. “I understand how some people use the Internet because they live in small towns or they're into kinky sh*t, but I strongly feel that an instant connection in a person is needed for a relationship.”
He realizes, though, that the ethical dilemma of online dating is a touchy subject and doesn’t want to belittle those who choose to engage in it.
“If they feel it’s what they need to do, then I’m all for them having the confidence to do it,” he added. “It’s just not for everyone, I guess.”
Another student (who also wishes to remain anonymous) had a different, more successful, online-dating experience. She met a guy in a chat room and the two hit if off instantly and continued communicating with each other on a frequent basis, finding again that they had a lot in common. They eventually agreed to meet and it went extremely well.
While many people use the Internet to find potential dates, some go even further and enter into cyber relationships. Peter Bajurny, a sophomore at the University of Minnesota, met someone online in an Internet forum.
“It’s not like I was one of those guys who went into a chat room looking for an online girlfriend,” he said.
Bajurny may not have been looking for an online girlfriend, but the then-Wisconsin-resident found one in Maryland.
The two entered into a virtual relationship and finally met face-to-face when Bajurny was visiting Washington, D.C., and decided to take a train to meet her.
There is no question that new technology has changed the way we meet people and interact with others through text messaging, instant messaging, e-mail and virtual dating. Is virtual dating completely new, though? Or is it just a reincarnation of the blind date?
Both involve going out with someone whom you’ve never personally met, and both involve selective and potentially skewed knowledge of the other.
Virtual daters learn about their dates through online profiles; blind daters learn about their dates by the information a mutual friend is willing to share. In essence, both carry the same risk: What one expects may not be what one gets.
Virtual dating, however, has two seeming advantages over the blind date: convenience and access. Online dating allows one to screen potential dates based on many provided factors — such as age, political views, interests, education and appearance — quickly and efficiently.
Virtual dating gives the dater the sense of control that blind dating takes away. It allows one to choose his or her “ideal” date and search through thousands of candidates for the perfect one. This, in theory, makes it much more likely that the date will be successful, but theory and reality are two completely separate things.
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