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Dear Amy: I have been in a long relationship with "Serena."
We have been engaged for six years, and she has yet to give me a wedding date.
Every time I bring it up -- once or twice a year -- we argue about it. We lived together for a while, got into a big fight and I moved out, but we still hang out on weekends.
My question: Is this going anywhere, or are we just going to be engaged forever?
-- Tired of Waiting in Boston
Dear Tired: This relationship is not going anywhere. The good news is that you are not going to be engaged forever.
You are not going to be engaged forever because you need to break off the engagement. Six years of weekend dates but no wedding date isn't much of an engagement.
"Serena" doesn't want to get married. If she did, trust me you would know it. Either she would tell you, or she would engage in some obvious premarriage behavior. Instead, she stages biannual fights on the subject of marriage.
If you like her enough to want to hang with her on weekends, by all means continue. But if you want to get married, then you're going to have to find someone else.
Dear Amy: I'm a regular at the local YMCA, using various cardio equipment and weight-training equipment to help keep the weight down and to maintain at least some semblance of muscle tone (I'm in my 50s).
Most users of the workout room bring iPods or radio receivers to listen to music or to listen to the audio on the overhead TV. Conversations are quiet and kept to a minimum.
Sometimes the silence gets shattered by a couple of young women, gabbing about things that should be saved for the women's lounge. They are oblivious of stares from other users.
Is there a polite way to tell these people that they are being rude? Or am I just getting old and crabby, and need more patience?
-- Longing for Silence
Dear Longing: You are in all likelihood getting old and crabby, along with the rest of us. But even the old and crabby have a right to work out in relative peace.
Many workout facilities have signs posted asking members to please not use cell phones and to keep their conversations low; if your YMCA has this sort of policy, you could speak with the manager on duty and ask him or her to speak to the loud talkers.
You are always welcome to ask your workout neighbors to please lower their voices. Just say, "I'm sorry, but would you mind speaking more quietly? I'm having a hard time concentrating. Thanks very much."
Dear Amy: I've been amused at the letters skewering that poor man who said he didn't know what color his wife's eyes are.
He's been lambasted as a self-centered blockhead, but perhaps there's a simple, more innocent explanation: Maybe her eye color is hard to pinpoint.
I have two beautiful children, and I couldn't tell you what color their eyes are. My son's are grayish-greenish-bluish; my daughter's are grayish-blackish-brownish.
Let's give this guy the benefit of the doubt -- that even after decades of gazing lovingly into his wife's eyes, he just can't figure it out.
-- Rebecca
Dear Rebecca: Not all readers lambasted those who don't know a partner's eye color. Several readers want the world to know that they valued their partners, regardless of their knowledge of something so superficial.
Dear Amy: The letter from "I Was Happy A Minute Ago," about the couple who intended to remain childless -- thereby depriving his parents of grandchildren -- reminded me of a friend of my mother's.
This friend had one son who married and similarly decided not to have children.
This friend complained frequently to my mother about how unfair this was.
My mother told us about it and said, "I had four children and only two of you had children. She put all her eggs in one basket!"
If this couple wanted grandchildren, maybe they should have had another child or two themselves, increasing the odds.
They made the decision as to how many children they would have, and their son is doing the same.
-- Diane
Dear Diane: Many readers pointed out that if this couple were so eager to have grandchildren, then they should have had more children themselves.
But to be fair to them, few of us know when we are young what we will long for when we are old.
However, it is up to each of us to satisfy our own longings.
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