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Salt Lake City's dating scene is woefully lacking. Mormons, non-Mormons, those over and under 30, all ethnicities, divorcees, single mothers, widows and widowers - everyone says the venues are sparse,
the night life sputtering, and singles are left in the dark. What's keeping these singles separate?
They're attractive, professional, sociable people of varying ages, religions and political viewpoints who have one thing in common: They are single and looking.
When The Salt Lake Tribune convened a panel of single men and women last week for a lively discussion about navigating the world of dating in Utah, many agreed they share one major problem: They can't meet people they would like to date.They can't meet people they would like to date.
And when they do meet someone who sparks their interest, they're not sure what to do. Members of this group - who came to the Tribune offices from as far away as St. George - said they've tried traditional ways to find mates. But with few like-minded singles around, those methods have failed.
Barb Shelley, 53 and divorced, has tried old-fashioned networking. But "I've worn all my friends out, and I've worn out all their friends," she said.
Adia Waldburger is 29 - not far from the national average marrying age, but way above Utah's average of 22 for women.
The Park City woman and her single friends are starting to wonder, she says: "Did we miss a gene? Are we all lame when it comes to dating?"
One major complaint: Because so many people are married, the pool of singles is much smaller.
Some find the diminishing pool is a consequence of time spent in a long-term, but failed, relationship. "I found that others my age had gotten married in the meantime, so there was a noticeable depletion in choices from then on," Lisa Zocchi, 38, of Provo wrote on a Tribune survey.
In Utah, more than in other places they've lived, Utah singles feel a social stigma. "When I first moved out here from Virginia, that was the first thing anyone asked me: 'Are you married?' People asked, 'Did you move here alone?' " said Diana Diehl, who moved to Utah County a few years ago for her job and sticks out as someone not affiliated with the LDS Church. In Virginia, she and officemates went out for beer and nachos after work; in family-oriented Utah County, she loves her co-workers, but "there are not many places to go, and no one to go with you."
A few tried online dating, with varying degrees of success. "EHarmony said there was no one compatible with me in all of the world," said Sabrina Suite, who works in St. George but commutes to Salt Lake City on weekends in search of a better social life. She admits that, as a self-described picky Mormon Democrat, the field may be sparse.
Peter Iccabazzi thinks Internet dating may be part of the problem. "It's almost become faceless in the sense it seems you don't have to put as much effort into it," said Iccabazzi, 35, of Salt Lake City. "You can sit in your home and look at a slide show of people. It just becomes very impersonal."
And having to describe yourself in 250 words, he added, is "insulting."
Zocchi and several others said online dating is at least a starting point, particularly given confusion about where and how to meet people.
That's another problem: A number of singles said they've come out of long-term relationships or marriages with outdated skills.
"I stunk at it before, let alone now," said Roger LePrey, 48, who divorced about two years ago. "It's a different game. It is much harder than I anticipated."
Many singles said the rules are now so vague when it comes to indicating interest in another person they often end up paralyzed: Should you just approach someone? What do you say?
MattRiding, 26, said the best line he ever got was a compliment on his fine-looking elbows. That got his attention and showed the woman who delivered it had a sense of humor.
LePrey says many women hesitate to make the first move - a call, a hello - and "that is stupid in my opinion," he said.
Some men don't like women who take the lead, while others prefer it, said Zocchi. "As a woman it is hard to know the difference," she said, which is why she defaults to letting the man make the first move.
Many admitted they are choosy when it comes to dating. "As a woman in her late 40s, I would rather be single, alone and happy in life than be involved with a controlling man or someone who's not right for me. Yeah, I am picky. But I'm at a point in my life when I can be picky, " Diehl said.
It is really hard to find people, and it is hard to have those skills again that you haven't used for a long time.
Trudy Henderson, 60, Salt Lake City
[A formal date] doesn't seem appealing. It seems like a lot of pressure; it seems like a lot of work.
Sarita Valenti, 26, Salt Lake City
I don't tend to go to places people think of as dating spots. I don't mind being single. I am having a good time.
Matt Riding, 26, Salt Lake City
A lot of people marry young or old, so it's hard to find an in-between.
Candice
Hunsaker, 25, Bountiful
[On what worked best] People from college whom I met through student groups and whatnot. But I've been out of college for two years!
Jared Whitley, 27, Salt Lake City
When you mention the word "date" you're automatically classifying it into a certain category and you have to follow a certain set of rules.
Peter Iccabazzi, 35, Salt Lake City
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