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Why Foreign Brides Are Hot

Date: 2006-10-02

One in four Singapore men married foreign brides last year, as such marriages hit a 10-year high.

CH Yeo is 42 years old, has a bachelor's degree majoring in design from Australia, and works as an interior designer and part-time lecturer.

It is a pretty decent resume for any prospective girlfriend, but when it came to dating Singaporean women, Yeo thought his plump, 1.5m frame put him at a distinct disadvantage.

"I've heard the girls look for handsome guys and will start looking at you 360 degrees. I don't want to be in that situation."

So he joined a growing band of higher-educated Singaporean men who go knocking on the doors of foreign bride agencies.

Last December, he tied the knot with a 23-year-old Vietnamese woman, Lu Thi Tham, who used to run a kiosk in Vietnam selling sugarcane and popiah. She is now four months' pregnant.

Last year, 6,520 male Singaporeans and permanent residents married foreign brides, the highest number in 10 years, according to the Department of Statistics. The number is up from 5,210 the previous year and 4,425 in 2003.

This means one in four Singapore men who got married last year tied the knot with foreigners. The real figure may be even higher, as some men marry overseas.

Traditionally, matchmaking agencies have catered to men with lower academic qualifications, but now they are seeing more and more diploma and degree holders.

One agency, Mr Cupid, said seven out of every 10 customers have a bachelor's degree or higher. Five years ago, most clients had up to Secondary 2 education, said director Martin Wong.

Mr Cupid gets six to seven clients a month.

For Yeo, a desire for someone to take care of his 73-year-old mother--and himself--brought him to Life Partner Matchmaker last year.

"I looked at the mirror and told myself, I'm getting old already," he said.

Of the seven men who spoke to The Sunday Times about their foreign marriages, four said they preferred foreign women because they would be more demure and accommodating.

What they want, they said, is a woman who will put the family and husband first, rather than demand cars, condominiums and credit cards.

See Chee Hong, 35, a chef with Secondary 2 education, said, "Few Singaporean women will want to live with my parents and two sisters in our 4-room HDB flat."

He married a Vietnamese farmer's daughter in 2004. They have two sons, aged 17 months and 7 months. His wife is 22.

"My wife takes care of the kids and all the housework. Her requests are simple: Care for me, don't bully me and don't go out to look for other women."

Another reason more Singapore men are marrying foreigners, the experts say, is simply that they have more opportunities to meet.

Besides the 30 or so foreign bride agencies that are operating here at any one time, Singaporeans are travelling overseas more often, more foreign women are coming to work here and the Internet enables singles to meet online wherever they live.

Take the case of IT support analyst Vincent Loh, 36, who met a woman from Wuhan, China, on an Internet friendship portal in 2002.

She was working here as a hospital nurse. They chatted online for a month before they met in person near her rented flat in Whampoa.

They hung out as friends for half a year before they began a relationship. They registered their marriage in October 2004.

Loh likes that his wife is outspoken.

He said, "She tells me my bad points, so that I'll improve."

Figures on which nationalities Singaporean men prefer were not available, but back in 1998, Malaysians topped the chart, followed by women from Indonesia and China.

The Sunday Times understands Malaysians still form the bulk of foreign brides, but Vietnamese and China brides are gaining ground.

Vietnamese bride agency Life Partner Matchmaker, for instance, started out in 1996 handling fewer than 10 cases a year. It sees that many cases a month now, said owner Jansen Ong.

These agencies attract mainly men in their 30s and 40s who are looking for women in their 20s.

David Ho, 30, who married a Malaysian this April, said he did not prefer one nationality over another. But the nursing home administrator feels that his wife, a dietitian from Petaling Jaya, shares some of his values.

"My wife likes cooking. Her family in Malaysia eats together. They hang out with their cousins. Their bonds are strong.

"She also wants the guy to take the lead. We earn the same salary, but she's happy when I take the initiative to pay the bill. When it comes to where to go or eat, she'll give her feedback, but she'll let me make the decision."

Far fewer Singapore women than men marry foreigners, but sociologist believes number likely to rise.

Bank executive HH Lim broke up with her British boyfriend when his work contract ended and he decided to leave Singapore.

He wanted to go to London, South America or the United States, but she wanted to live in Singapore, or at least in a neighbouring country, so that she could visit her 63-year-old father regularly.

Lim, 32, said, "Either he stays or I go, which means giving up my career, family and friends. It was too big a decision to make after going out for just a year."

The possibility of having to leave the country may be part of the reason far fewer Singapore women than men marry foreigners. Even so, the number of female Singaporeans and permanent residents marrying foreign men has gone up slightly over the past 10 years.

Last year, 1,596 local women married foreign men, up from 1,134 in 1996.

Sociologist Paulin Straughan believes there are fewer foreign marriages among women here due to a difference in opportunity. A significant proportion of single people in Singapore includes either less-educated men or highly-educated women, she said.

About one in four men aged 40 to 44 with less than a secondary school education was single last year, compared with one in 10 graduate men, according to Department of Statistics figures.

The figures for women are, tellingly, a mirror image of those for men. Among women in the same age group who had less than a secondary school education, only one in 10 was single. Yet among female graduates, that figure shoots up to one in four.

Men unable to find a local wife can use one of the many matchmaking agencies to find brides in the region who are seeking a better life, said Straughan. This option is not open to women. Also, educated Singapore women with stable careers are not looking to marry just for economic security or to have children.

"You no longer have to marry an ATM. You want value-added: romantic love, companionship, social and emotional support," Straughan said.

But she believes the number of Singaporean women marrying foreigners may increase as more of them delay marriage to advance their careers and studies.

"If more of them are going overseas for education and work, and if we open our doors to foreign talent, the chances of the women who are single and young finding a foreign mate are significant."

The actual number of foreign marriages may also be higher than official statistics show, as some women register the marriage in the husband's home country.

Singaporean architect Natalie Tan, 30, married a Swiss professor in Switzerland in 2003 and did not register her marriage here.

Senior credit analyst Adrianna Yap-Banquil, 33, married an American accountant in the US in 2000. They live in Hawaii.

"I have a couple of girlfriends here too who did not get married in Singapore. One married in the US and the other in Scotland," she said.

Dating agency Lunch Actually, whose clients are white-collar professionals, says Singapore women are becoming more open to the idea of dating foreign men.

Owner Violet Lim says about 6 in 10 of her women clients include Caucasians when stating their preferences, up from 4 in 10 around two years ago.

Laura Tan, a teacher in her mid-30s, has been seeing a 40-year-old Australian company director for the past month and is hoping it will turn out better than her two previous 3-year relationships with Singaporean men.

She fell out with the first over a difference of views.

"I felt I was being pressed down, that a Chinese woman shouldn't be talking so much. But I needed to have my say," she said.

She thought the other was too much of a mummy's boy.

"As a grown man, you should have your own point of view, not run to your mum when you can't cope with something. I need a sense of security."

She also dated an Australian for about two years, but he put his career first and they did not spend much time together, she said.

Australian Matthew Gyde, 33, a general manager in an IT firm here, has dated three Singaporean women.

He found the first two women "attractive, very intelligent and with a good sense of humour." But it was the third woman, 31-year-old auditor Cecilia, who enthralled him.

"She had a bubbly personality. She was intelligent and she knew about things going on in the world. She was also smart at her work."

She had studied in Australia and had no qualms speaking her mind.

"I wouldn't be interested in a demure woman," said Gyde.

They married two years ago and have a 10-month-old son. Cecilia is now three months pregnant. (By Goh Chin Lian, The Straits Times/ANN)





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