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Guys over 40 find dating daunting, discouraging

Date: 2006-10-02

Second chances at love don't come often when you hit your 40s.

That's what many single men in that age group are finding out. Dating now has become a challenge compared with when they were in their 20s.

John Drysdale, 46, divorced in 2001. He says finding someone his age who is educated, single and ready to settle down is a rare thing.

"The demographics are definitely different," says the southwest Minneapolis resident. "When I was in my 20s, everyone was single and in the same boat. Now, the majority of people I know in their 40s are all married, and here I am — single again."

Going to bars to meet new people was out of the question for him. "I didn't know where to go anymore," he says. "Single people my age are not hanging out at the pub and social clubs. The availability is limited."

Drysdale turned to Table for Two, a dating service agency, to help him get his game back.

"It helped save me a lot of time because the people they match you with already met the bulk of my criteria," he says.

Amy Rolando, owner and president of Minneapolis-based Table for Two, describes her 40-something male clients: Most are divorced, have children and are professionals.

She says most of her male clients in their 40s have one thing on their mind: Everlasting love.

"They're looking for real results," says Rolando, a meteorologist turned matchmaker. "Nobody thought they would be dating in their 40s. Everyone thinks (they're) going to get married and live happily ever after. But stuff happens, and it doesn't work out that way."

Sandy Gazda, president and owner of the Edina branch of Together Dating, a national dating service, says many of her clients have learned from past relationship mistakes.

"When you're in your 20s, you go to the bar and have fun," she says. "But when you hit your 40s, you're still sitting at the bar stool, but it's not the best way to meet quality people anymore."

Jordan Vang of St. Paul is single and looking for the right woman to settle down with. At 42, he says it's harder to even find someone who would want to date someone his age.

"Most women I know always want someone younger," he says. "And being divorced doesn't help much, either."

Vang hasn't tried a dating service but says he hopes luck — and his charm — will work in his favor.

"I'm not getting any younger, so I'm taking my chances on anyone worthwhile," he says.

Drysdale is dating someone but says he isn't rushing into anything serious yet.

"We're just enjoying each other right now," he says. "I'm taking time to analyze where have I been, where am I now and where am I going to go. If I don't take time to think about those three things, I'm going to be back where I started."

Nhia TongChai Lee can be reached at nlee@pioneer press.com or 651-228-2120.





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