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Second marriages in Korea

Date: 2006-09-30

For four years since her divorce, Park Soon-hee always believed she would find the perfect marriage partner. The 38-year-old dated eight men before she met a “great guy” in January through a matchmaking service specialising in remarriage.

The man, Lee Jin-man, has everything she wants, especially what her ex did not have -- money -- and they finally walked down the aisle in March.

“Living alone and raising my 10-year-old daughter all by myself was just too hard, and I felt I needed companionship to do a better job.”

Life as a divorcee is especially difficult in a society which is still attached to Confucian values of family. She said she would have not thought twice about getting divorced if she did not have a daughter.

“It (divorce and remarriage) is not something I’m proud of,” Park said. “But I thought it would be a lot better for my daughter that I have a happy life and don’t expose her to the fights I had with my ex.”

“I was actually afraid if I was making the wrong decision, but four years down the line, I’m glad I did it. I consider myself very lucky now,” Park said.

Like Park, many divorced Koreans have gradually become more open to finding love a second time around and hope they do tie the knot again, The Korea Herald reported.

People’s living patterns increasingly focus on individual satisfaction, putting Korea in the throes of a social transformation.

Korea’s divorce rate now ranks among the world’s highest, and new attitudes toward remarriage -- as well as such other issues as childbearing and cohabitation -- are developing.

There were 33,348 remarriages in Korea in 1990, the first time the statistic was recorded. The figure has almost doubled as last year saw 59,772 remarriages. Of these, 41,000 men and women were divorced and the rest were widowed.

Vazl, one of Korea’s largest remarriage matchmaking services, says it currently has over 25,000 members across the country. On average, they accept 500 new members every month. Men make up 52 per cent of the membership, and the majority of the members are in their 40s and 50s.

The company says men usually seek a pretty woman with a caring personality while women look out for a man’s financial status.

“Yes, money was the main problem in my first marriage,” Park said, insisting being a good father meant being financially able to provide for her and her children.

“But now that I think about how troubled we were after his (ex-husband’s) business went bad, we were just not meant to be together.”

However, some of the men are fed up with women’s financial demands.

Shin Dong-wook, a member of Vazl, said love should not come with preconditions.

“I might be alone in my views on love and philosophy, but what on earth does falling in love with someone have anything to do with money -- something that you cannot control,” the 63-year-old man said. “Money is something that comes and goes, but love is not.”

Shin, who was divorced 10 years ago, had also been separated after his business failed.

He has one son, who is living in the United States with his mother.

Kim Geum-soon, who has been a remarriage counselor for over nine years, says people need to think of marriage like a business and make sure that their potential marriage partner has the right qualities before committing.

“I suggest a couple should take at least six months of dating to get to know each other well,” she said.

But as people in their 30s to 50s do not want to waste time playing the love game and wondering if the other person is their soul mate, she suggests visiting matchmaking services.

“Two is always better than one,” she said.





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