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Ever wonder where the beautiful people have gone? They're all online, judging by the profiles on Internet dating sites, where everyone projects themselves as a winner. Nobody -- surprise, surprise -- admits to being ugly, stupid or a loser magnet.We've all heard those blind date horror stories where the "handsome prince" turns out to be an ordinary Joe; or the "hot babe" a plain Jane. Online dating is like a hall of mirrors where no assertion reflects reality: hype and spin that would shame even the most ardent resume embroiderer prevail.
On one level, it's natural to "play up" our best side on a personals ad, says Dr. Bruce Findlay, a senior psychology lecturer at Swinburne University of Technology. "To say, 'I'm witty and intelligent and good fun to be with,' that's fair enough. But if you say, 'I'm 24 and a hunk' when you're really 45 and middle-aged Fred, you won't get away with it."
And lying about one's age is the oldest trick in the book. With some men online pushing 80, what's a lonely old fart to do to get his foot in the door?
Henry, 45, an Internet dating veteran, argues that crossing the line between self-promotion and outright deception can be justified. "If they were going to eliminate you anyway -- for being short or fat -- then you might as well tell a strategic untruth in the hope that the warmth of your personality wins them over on the day [you meet]. Don't let yourself be knocked out of the lottery of love on a technicality."
True to his word, Henry refuses to let technicalities spoil his fun. He admits he habitually describes himself as a 40-year-old.
Another "fortysomething," Peter, rolls back his age to the previous decade. Despite possessing a reputation as the "life of the party," he claims he's forced to lie because attractive women are only interested in men his age if they have money.
Can an initial lie on a personals ad be forgiven? "I think that depends on how attractive the liar is when they meet," Findlay says. "But I would worry about it. Trust is very important in a relationship and if it starts off with a little niggle, I wouldn't be that optimistic."
Still, he admits feeling sympathy for lonely, older men who lie about their age. "It's perfectly understandable. It's human, in fact, but you're kidding yourself if you meet and you're going to be found out."
Reynu, a much younger lonely heart who runs the satirical Web site, The Silly Morning Herald, has stretched the truth even further than Peter. A profile he posted on a dating site contained the following misleading, ungrammatical passage:
"I am looking for a woman I can literally blow away. You must be sexy and like to party because this is like me. I am a cool person to be with I have heaps of stories about stuff I have done."
"I believe I am an ideal companion for any woman because I am confident and good looking my friends say I look like Tom Cruse [sic]. My ideal woman must be busty and preferably blonde hair and blue eyes, size 8 max but size 10 is OK. I don't like chicks who answer back and stuff ..."
Why did he do it? Observing and mimicking people is Reynu's hobby and he just couldn't resist the temptation to spoof profiles he'd seen on dating sites. In an unexpected twist, though, some girls took his character, who had the user name "macho2000," seriously.
"I got a bit of a surprise one day when I checked my e-mail and found I'd received a kiss," Reynu says.
This prompted him to take the joke one step further by sending other women kisses. "I seemed to strike a chord because the reaction was quite positive," he says, adding that he found the women's gullibility "alarming."
Reynu was not a paid member of the site so he was unable to pursue the fantasy further. Not that he minded. He's convinced that meeting people online is a waste of time because of the banality of the profiles.
The moral? If you must lie, do so with style. Avoid the procession of try-hard cliches that are exposed in our exclusive dating claptrap guide (see below).
Study this guide carefully. To navigate the singles scene successfully, you need to know how to decode the spin and lies. If you retain your GSOH [good sense of humour], you might meet someone "hot" -- with a little extra padding.
What's the worst lie you've encountered on an Internet dating site?
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