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This is the very ecstasy of love,
Whose violent property foredoes itself
And leads the will to desperate undertaking.
- Shakespeare, Hamlet
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| Tony Robinson |
AND what more desperate undertaking than to go far and wide to seek a bride? Recently, I saw this documentary titled Cowboy de Amor that showcased the work of this American man who found Mexican brides for lonely American men.
For a fee of US$300 each, he would take his clients across the border into Mexico, place an ad in the local paper and wait for the prospective brides to make contact. Who says money can't buy love, eh? "It's just like catching fish, you have to be patient, you throw out your line with the bait and wait for them to bite," he said.
It was a fascinating experience to watch, as those lonely guys interviewed the Mexican ladies one by one, and assessed their positive and negative characteristics. The guy in charge, Cowboy De Amor, made it clear that he was not a pimp, and sex was not what he was selling and in fact he did not recommend it early, but rather he was providing a wife for these lovelorn men.
The Mexican women ranged from waitresses to teachers, medical doctors to professors, with most never been married, but others having been married before. Of course, they had to fit the criteria of the ad, regarding age, weight, height and so on.
Interestingly, it wasn't just a one-way street with the men doing the interviewing and selecting, as some of the women weren't always keen on the men when they first saw them either, and politely declined their offer. Still, the entire proceedings were conducted in a very civil, courteous and respectful manner.
But why would grown men leave the USA to find wives in another country? Many of the men said that American women were too domineering, demanding, inflexible and generally hard to get along with, so they'd rather take their chances with a Mexican bride. Viva Mexico.
Here in Jamaica, we are bombarded in the press by those ads from lonely people from all around the world, with a lot being from Africa. "Attractive young girl of age 24, seeking a decent, hardworking Christian man between the ages of 30 to 60 years old to settle down with and eventually marry," is an example of one of the ads that I have seen. Many are from men too, but what astonishes me is the vast age range that the women will settle for.
Imagine, requesting a partner between the ages of 30 to 60 years old? That's a pretty wide gap if you ask me, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and you have to throw out a wide net to ensure that you catch fish. And remember, Shakespeare did mention the words desperate undertakings in the same sentence as love and ecstasy. I wonder how many of these ads lead to meaningful and long-lasting relationships?
What is true is that people are always drawn to those different from themselves, and the prospect of being with someone of a different race, culture or creed has always been appealing. For this reason, many Jamaicans flocked to England many years ago, back in the '50s and '60s and came back with foreign brides.
Nothing is wrong with that, but I always contend that if you dare to go outside of your race or nationality, make sure that it's worth your while. Why correspond or make contact with such persons, then travel thousands of miles only to return with someone who is ugly as hell? Might as well you stay home and hook up with a local ugly person. If you're going to have a mail order bride from another country, make sure she's as pretty as heck, and is the envy of your peers. "Yu see Cedric new woman from foreign?
Man, I don't even know what nationality or colour she is, but what I do know is that she pretty cyaan dun." And that's why many Jamaican men correspond with foreign women, many from Cuba, and eventually marry them. Many can't speak a word of Spanish, but who cares, as the women are so fine looking that no words need to be spoken, plus who speaks after marriage anyway?
The Jamaican men gave the same reason as the American guys did, citing that the señoritas had no attitude and hang-ups like the Jamaican girls who were all class conscious and snooty. "Viva la señoritas bonita de Cuba." But there's a price for everything, for unfortunately, the Latin temperament is fiery, and the temper and jealousy of those women are legendary. Still, men will dare to be different and the mail order brides will always beckon.
Even so, I can't understand why a good friend of mine married this big fat mampy woman from a Spanish-speaking country noted for its beautiful women, when he could have had a Jamaican big fat mampy. But as I overheard last week, "Dem say dat fat woman comfortable like sofa, so dat's why plenty man love dem so." But again I ask, why import one?
For some reason though, the prospect of being with someone from a different country seems so appealing. I know of women who have corresponded with foreign men, and in a heartbeat, a rush of blood, a flash, left everything behind them, including children, and rushed off to live with the man in a different country. This, after they rejected the advances of many local men.
Is it the man that they desire so much, or is it just the prospect of living in another country? But one man's meat is another man's poison, they say, and those same Jamaican women that our men reject, are seen as exotic beauties, desired by so many men from overseas.
I know of so many women who I wouldn't touch with my worst enemy's 10 foot pole who have been the objects of desire by foreign men and who, after months of corresponding, come here, marry them and whisk them away like some fairy tale romance. Similarly, some men here who are such cretins, crass, classless curs, are seen as the cat's pyjamas by these mail order brides. Perhaps people from different cultures can't detect the flaws and faults of those not their own. So still, the mail order bride business booms.
It is a fact that European men love our women, especially men from Germany and the Netherlands. And they don't want any browning either, but opt for the jet black, ebony-skinned Jamaican beauties. That's another reason why those women do so well as models in Europe, their extraordinary appeal to the men is so great. Many end up marrying on the continent. But when seeking a mail order bride, what do you look for? Shallow person that I am, I reiterate, she has to be pretty.
If I correspond with a Venezuelan woman, a country noted for its beautiful women, winners of the most Miss Universe contests, I better come back with someone who will turn heads and not stomachs. Then I have to check out her past. Woe betide you if after months of correspondence, then eventual meeting, you marry her, only to find out that she has four children. "Oh Pappy, meet Pedrito, Oswaldo, Chicilita and Consuela."
That has caught many unsuspecting young men who went the mail order bride route, then were suddenly surprisingly saddled with an instant family. "But Fredrica, you didn't tell me in your letters that you had four children?" "But, Pappy, you didn't ask!" Make sure that you do a thorough background check, her friends, her school, family, job and overall history, for those letters and e-mails won't reveal all those details.
If possible, visit her country, as often you can, check out her environment first-hand, learn her language, so that you can understand her mutterings and cursing, plus take a long hard look at her mother, for most women turn into their mothers eventually. Still, mail order brides can be rewarding, it's an opportunity to learn a new language and experience a different culture.
You may experience the servility of an Oriental woman, who will be at your beck and call, or the raw animal passion of a Latin woman, or the exotic sensuality of an Egyptian, or the resilience of an Australian. Sometimes it's the differences that add to the spice, and that's why mail order brides will always be around. More time.
seido1@hotmail.com
Footnote: Summer camps can be so rewarding, not only for children, but also for the organisers. For two years now, the Seido Karate group has volunteered to teach children in the inner city of Jones Town. This year was even bigger and better, as over 300 hundred children participated at the Jones Town Primary School.
Organised by George Cooke and his staff, the camp provided such a great outlet for the children, who I found to be courteous, affectionate, spirited and eager to learn. It was rewarding to us, the instructors too.
We also participated in another camp, sponsored by the Kingston Restoration Company, held at The Golden Acres Retreat and Oberlin High School. Congrats to the Jamaica Combined Martial Arts team for journeying all the way to Japan and winning the huge world competition, beating everybody. Clearly, the best martial arts team in the world, undefeated internationally in three years.
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