“The only sure protection against fraud by someone you are involved with is to look deep into their past before they look deep into your eyes,” says Rhoda Cook, national coordinator for CUFF (Citizens United to Find Fugitives), a nonprofit company that deals with sweetheart fraud.
When older singles venture into the dating world, most potential mates they meet are strangers. Before becoming romantically involved, singles need to protect themselves by learning as much about the stranger as possible.
Barbara, like many older singles, was lonely, bored and looking for love. “I sent out those signals,” she said. Barbara went to a dance and met a man who was an excellent swing and ballroom dancer. “He seemed so nice, polite, and was tall, good looking, younger than me, and wow!”
He told her he was from another state and staying in a motel while looking for an apartment to rent. Barbara said, “After a week of hot pursuit, he ended spending the night, then the next, which continued into the weekend. From what he said, I thought he was leaving on Monday when I went back to work.”
Much to Barbara’s surprise, she came home from work to find he had purchased groceries and cooked her dinner. “Before I knew it, he was living there,” Barbara said.
“After two months, we began arguing constantly. I did a little computer research, and what I found out astounded me. He had a rap sheet in another state.”
Barbara asked him to leave. “He insisted we could work things out, he loved me, he cried, and yes he was persuasive. Then, another four months of constant arguing. In February, I was able to get him out, but it’s been a nightmare since.”
Barbara has a restraining order against him. He has harassed her family, friends and her at her work. “Now he’s in Central Jail in Los Angeles on a skipped felony arrest warrant,” she said. She fears he will be released and come after her.
Barbara admits that loneliness foolishly clouded her thinking. The point of her story is: Had she had a background check done on this man before allowing him to spend the night, this nightmarish experience could have been avoided.
What are the options for singles seeking background checks?
Cook says private investigators are the most reliable sources of background information. “Because there is no national database of criminal records, civil judgment cases, or sex offenders, the information must be ferreted out by a competent investigator who knows how to sense inconsistencies in the subject’s information,” she said.
Vern McGarry, an O.C. private investigator (www.blueskiesdetectiveagency.com), says, “Make two background inquires at a minimum in the counties the person has lived in for at least the past 10 years. A criminal background check and then a civil background check. Unlike credit reports, criminal and civil records are public information and do not require waivers or permission from the subject in question to be run.” McGarry says the cost for both reports should be no more than $150.
Mark Simon, another O.C. private investigator, msimoninv@cox.net, says, “Databases available to private investigators allow us to gather information necessary for a complete and accurate investigation. This data was not available in the past at the affordable price in today’s market.” Simon’s company charges $75 for a basic check without a written report.
A search on Google reveals hundreds of services that conduct background checks. Which one to choose? A company called Consumer-Guide did a thorough study of services offered online and recommends the ones they feel most reliable on their Web site: http://consumer-guide.to/Background.Checks.
CUFF’s Web site, http://www.straightshooter.net/, provides a comprehensive search for $59 that includes criminal and civil case searches nationwide.
For older singles, the money spent in checking the background of a potential mate could be the wisest investment they ever make.
This truly is a good article about a rotten situation. It is terrible that anyone, yet alone seniors, in search of romance and ocmpanionship must fall victim to predators and scoundrels. Corra, as a pre-employment background checking service, and online dating service, getes to hear more than our share of horror tales. That’s why we always caution people to check people out before you date them, rather than after, which is usually just to verify all the sad facts that you have already sensed.
We applaued CUFF, which is mentioned in the articl, for its efforts to track down fugitives. We may disagree with its national director about private invetigators being the most reliable sources for backgorund information. As with anything else, some are and some aren’t. We know fellow background checking services that are reputable, reliable and have access to terrific resources for background information. That said, we should also add that one of the partners at Corra retains is private investigation license, so we are pretty impartial with respect to background checking services, good and bad.
The main thing is when you are about to enter a romantic relationship, check the person out before you invest heart and soul and risk losing, material assets, to say nothing of life and limb. It’s a brutal world out there, and also a beautiful one. The trick is to be discriminating and to take at least the same precautions you would take when buying a new plasma screen TV. Do the research.
So for all of you out there, you old singles, especially, take this wonderful article to heart and order a background check on your romantic interest, before you get involved. As the article notes, it’s the wisest investment you will ever make.
Check Them Out Before You Date Them.
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