AMAZINGLY enough, a politically conservative, rabidly heterosexual former crocodile trapper has managed to get a grip on something most other straight Australians cannot: gay and lesbian relationships aren't just about the bonking.
Warren Entsch is the Liberal member for the Cape York seat of Leichhardt. Described as the blokiest bloke on Capital Hill, he's into riding Harley-Davidson motorcycles and showing lingerie photos of his spunky missus to journos. This week the backbencher will lobby Coalition MPs to support a private member's bill aimed at delivering legal equality to same-sex couples.
Australia's most unlikely gay pin-up lad has barracked for queer rights since debate over amendments to the Marriage Act began more than two years ago. Although he doesn't support gay hitchings as such, the former RAAF serviceman does believe same-sex couples should be better recognised by social security, insurance, Medicare, tax and superannuation laws. He doesn't think it fair, for instance, that Russian brides procured over the internet have more rights to welfare than long-term gay partners procured by less electronic methods.
Entsch - whose previous career as a bull-catcher has left his front teeth as crooked as a pig dog's hind leg - also sees advantages for hetero chaps who've copped a belting with the ugly stick. "They're usually young, pretty good-looking fellas," he's said of gay men, "and it gives us old fellas a chance at these good-looking young sheilas."
Entsch's most startlingly sensible comments on this issue, however, came during an ABC radio interview in June when he tried to focus the gay rights debate on inequity rather than sexuality.
"Irrespective of ... the gender balance in any relationship, I can assure you that after five or 10 years in that relationship, sex tends to take a back seat," he said. "And there's a whole lot of other emotions that come forward. And all of those emotions, or the majority of them, relate to interdependency."
Refreshingly humane and delightfully realistic, this comment was worlds away from the bizarre sexual obsessions of many anti-gay activists who seem to spend far more time dwelling on sodomitical sinfulness than the wayward souls they claim they're trying to save.
Since outing himself as homo-friendly, Entsch has received a number of letters and emails mentioning the Bible and faeces.
Similar themes appeared in hate mail sent to a Fairfax opinion writer who presented an exceedingly logical argument in favour of gay marriage earlier this year. One correspondent accused this writer of being a dickhead who most certainly wanted dicks inserted ... (I'll leave the rest to your imagination).
A second waxed luridly about what he claimed were the common homosexual practices of urine drinking, blood swapping and tampon sodomy.
As someone who has written frequently on gay rights, I too have been astounded at the X-rated content of the hate mail that invariably arrives in response. I've run some of these anal-rific missives past gay friends who've blushingly admitted that the florid boy-on-boy scenarios dreamed up by homophobes are a far cry from the relatively mundane reality of their day-to-day sex lives.
Despite the popular myth that combining two male libidos will result in round-the-clock rogering, shagging for such couples often ends up playing second fiddle to love, companionship and the ownership of well-manicured miniature schnauzers.
"I feel sorry for moral campaigners," one gay mate in a 15-year monogamous relationship mused last week. "They spend every waking moment working themselves into a frenzy over our sordidness whereas we're able to just have sex from time to time and then get back to business."
He'd like to see a float dedicated to the member for Leichhardt at next year's Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, though he does acknowledge this will pose thematic challenges. Entsch's Village People moustache and gold earring will fit in OK, but his passionate interest in beef cattle and lady folk (he has a bevy of female supporters known as Entsch's Wenches) may be harder to reconcile with the hot pants and disco ball vibe.
Let's just hope the queer folk of Sydney manage to find a spare moment between all that porno action to work on a solution.
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