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"So, how did you two meet?" is a question asked regularly when meeting a new couple. Lately, I try not to ask, because increasingly, the answer is "Oh, we met on the Internet."
The couple then goes on to tell of the pang of long-distance relationships, which of them conceded and moved, and how long the relationship took to develop.
Call me old-fashioned, but there is something offbeat about meeting via a computer screen. Or maybe what makes me cringe are the horror stories we hear.
For example, a man meets a woman on a dating site. After several months, she makes her way to Spokane to spend some time with this potential "man of her dreams." Then the nightmare begins. He's called in to work on an emergency, leaving her at his home.
He leaves her alone in his home with no reservations. After all, they know each other quite well, having spent hours and hours "talking" online before she ever arrived in town.
Wrong. She knows just enough about him to be the most effective thief. The lady understands his method of organization, where he keeps records and how to access his home computer. In the hours he's gone, she swipes all sorts of financial information, including his investment file, credit card and PIN numbers, and, of course, his checking account information.
When he returns, she's gone, but in such a way that he's not aware of the damage. She has left a note telling him it just wasn't going to work out, she's sorry, it's her, not him. He's devastated, and that aids her; she has more time to get away and deep into his money.
Days later, his credit card company calls asking about some questionable charges. Then mail arrives regarding the overdraft of his bank account. Next, he hears from another financial institution about a withdrawal from his money market account.
This "perfect date" executed a scam with precision. It was apparent this was not the first time she had done this, nor will it be the last. A smart, attractive woman, she is very good at finding the right level of financial health and vulnerability to make this a profitable way of life. Her take was just under $50,000.
Sad part is, most people are too embarrassed to file charges so these con artists keep getting away with it. Even if charges are filed, the name utilized by the thief sometimes is fake.
I could give financial disaster examples all day, but there is another risk here, too.
A young woman meets a man online and quite a lot of time passes before they meet in person. When they finally do, the young woman realizes that she finds this person attractive only from behind a keyboard. In person, he is repulsive and crude. Little does she know, he's also mentally unbalanced and violent.
When she tries to let him go gently he becomes a monster and begins to follow her. The authorities are called and the situation calms down, but only for a bit.
It takes her most of a year to rid herself of this creep, and yet, once rid of him, she still feels a bit vulnerable. You see, this kind of personality profile, too, knows how to look for the right kind of victim.
Before all of you with success stories run to the keyboard to tell me how off-base I am, let me finish. There's a tendency to let one's guard down online, especially on a dating site. You assume the other party has been screened, but don't be so trusting.
If you do plan to engage in online dating, here are some tips:
•Be certain that meetings happen in a public place, and that you don't let the other party know where you work or live until you have spent lots of one-on-one time with them.•Keep financial information out of sight and to yourself. Unless you are moving toward marriage or some other form of partnership, it's absolutely none of their business.
•Listen to your friends and family. Sometimes we're so enamored of another person that glaring flaws can be overlooked.
•Google their name. It's amazing the things you can find out about a person doing this.
Yes, I am old-fashioned. I think you need to see someone in person to really know them. Their eyes are the window to their souls, and those eyes are hard to see through cyberspace.
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