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Does age matter?


So it happened that all dating services work with pictures. It is awful! As it is impossible to see personality behind the picture, but only appearance.

So it happened that age influences our looks.

So it happened that age becomes one of the major factors in choosing a partner.

Age matters! And we must know all advantages and disadvantages of different age groups.


1. I am older than she is.

It is the most numerous group. In nearly all international marriages spouses have disparity in 5-10-15 and even 25-35 years. I say “nearly all”, because I need to tell something in the next items too :)). But still rare cases fall to their share.

Someone seeks a younger woman deliberately and someone gets into such relationship by chance, like it happened to Bill:

“I never began an adventure to find a woman in the FSU. It was purely chance. Sure Galina and I have a twenty year age difference, but truthfully I would never search for someone with such a difference in age. It took us four years and some growing up on her part before I decided to make the commitment.

It's hard work having a long-distance relationship. I can't imagine doing this again if anything happened to our relationship. But I know I would search for someone within five or ten years of my age. Or I just wouldn't look. I wasn't looking then and probably not get re-married if it didn't work out between us.

So my strong advice is to forget about the young, sweet things and concentrate on women closer to your own age group. It's probably rare to find a woman in the FSU who is twenty years younger and is ready to be a woman. A real woman, and not a post-teen FSU girl. There is a big difference...believe me, I lived the past three years with a girl who became a woman...but it took time and life...that's all. No magic...just the hard facts of life and reality in Ukraine” Bill

Why do men seek young women? It is clear to all ;). But why do women agree to marry someone who is coeval with her parents? What do Russian girls think about marriages with big age differences?

Our experience says:

- 10-12 years: this difference is acceptable for many women.

- over 15 years: some are ready to think about it. Provided the information about age is true. (We had a client who said that he was “about 40” on the stage of correspondence, then before the trip he confessed that he was “about 50” and when he came it turned out that he was over 60. The girl said no to him, because their age difference was 35 years, so the man just wasted a lot of time and money).

Also we noticed the following tendency:

- women before 30 choose a minimal difference. No more than 10 years.

- women after 30 accept 15 years difference.

- women after 40 accept 20 years and more.

So, the younger a woman is, the less disposed she is to marriages with big disparity in years.

There is also another aspect – mentality.

“Russians get grown up early”. I often meet this opinion in the Internet, but I didn’t think about it before. But in point of fact it is true. She finishes secondary school at 16 and by 18 she is a second-year student of the University. Russian children generally have much more responsibility on their shoulders than Americans—taking care of siblings, grandparents, etc., and performing some of the domestic duties. So, judging by the photo you see a yesterday’s teenager on the site, but after you get to know her closer, you will see the difference.

If you look into a marriage book of some Russian marriage registration office, you will be astonished to see many couples that aren’t older than 20! But here nobody is amazed, because it is normal for Russia. But still if you seek a “classical Russian woman” with the whole luggage of “marriage portion” in the form of family traditions and eternal values, you should seek her among women over 25, or better – over 30. A woman, like good wine, must get mature for that, and get “fermented”.

That’s just the sort of women Michael writes about:

If you're like me, a guy who grew up in the 50's and 60's (I'm 48), having this kind of wife is you will value just as much as I do. In short, the Russian Women's values are a lot like the American Women's used to be, more like our mothers' were back when we were kids.

Michael

If you want to hold on to a beautiful much younger woman, you must answer four questions to yourself:

1. Can I manage with jealousy? (Since your wife will surely attract glances of younger men)

2. Next you will need lots of self-confidence (how can she think highly of you, if you don't think highly of yourself?)

3. Can I respect her? (her age and her experience that will differ from yours)

4. Finally, you need to be compatible, and to truly love and trust each other (without these things, you're only kidding yourself).

2. She is older

It is the smallest group. If you try and write to a woman who is older than you, she will suspect a mistake. It happened so to Mike:

Hi there - i ran into something interesting while starting to correspond with a lady on your website - she seemed a bit surprised at my writing to her (she's about 1 1/2 years older then i). Is the normal thing to be that older guys only want younger women here?? I guess I must be somewhat of a novelty in that case. She wanted to clarify that she was older - and that I knew it and what my thoughts were. Kind of funny in that aspect. Mike

You see? You can do the same and you will receive a similar response. You can be suspected of reading her profile inattentively or some other “deviation”. :)) This kind of marriages are untypical for Russia, especially if the age difference is big. I think it can be easily explained. The man must be the head of the family, and if the woman is older, who will be the head? The model of the family shaped over the centuries is called into question.

“When it comes to a woman's attitude regarding gender roles, the role of husband vs. wife, and general family values, there is no question in my mind that the RW--again, on average--is what you might call more "old fashioned" than the AW. This is a result of a thousand years of cultural conditioning. Believe me, it is very real, and is deeply grounded in the Russian psyche. The RW feels that the man is head of the family, makes most of the final decisions. She sees him as the primary breadwinner as well as a provider of stability and security for the family. She sees the role of childrearing, especially nurturing babies and toddlers, as primarily her responsibility, as well as the role of homemaker--creating a pleasant, wholesome environment for everyone to enjoy”. Jim

If you are seeking a woman older than you, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Can I be an interesting company for her?

2. Can I accept her age changes with time? Since it is a well-known fact that female organism wears out quicker.

3. Can I be an authoritative (trustworthy) man for her? Not only her husband and friend, but also her daddy? (As during the first years in a strange country and with poor knowledge of the language a woman is helpless like a baby).

3. I am over 50 and I am looking for my coeval.

This group is bigger that the previous one, but still not so numerous as the first. :) The choice of men is also understandable here: they need not just a woman, but a friend with similar interests, who is mature, wise and intelligent. As a rule, such couples have grown up children and want to spend the rest of their lives in tender love, dedicated to each other and not burdened with the “problems of young people”. It is “golden time” for love.

I am looking for a woman over 50. Why do you have so few women of this kind on your site? Robert

That’s where the main minus lies. Women of this age find it very difficult to tear off their roots and leave everything. I’ve heard more than one story about women who broke off their relationships with men, because they suddenly realized that they would have to leave their elderly parents, if they are alive, or “graves of relatives”.

The second aspect is that many Russian women of this age don’t think about marriage already. When my friend and I learnt that her 52-years old widowed father had given his profile to the dating service, we were so amazed that couldn’t close our mouths. We hoped that it had been a joke! So unusual it was that people of such age were still thinking about love. We were 15 years old and we thought that at 52 life ended :). But we were children, nevertheless all adults around us shared our amazement.

So let me express my answer to Robert’s question in business words:

1. no demand

2. no supply

In other words few women over 50 turn to marriage agencies and the profiles of those who turned can “decorate” the site for years and get no response.

And still those who marry coevals build successful relationships most easily. It is a well-balanced marriage.

The questions that you should ask yourself before starting such relationship, are the same as for the second group:

1. Can I accept her age changes with time? (Since it is a well-known fact that female organism wears out quicker).

2. Can I be more than a husband for her? Not only a friend, but also a daddy so that to take care of her for the first time?

As you see, each group has advantages and disadvantages. And which group would you choose? What age difference do you consider to be ideal?

Looking forward to your letters!

Irina, editor and

Chance For Love Team



Your comments:

#1 hiutopor (uk) at 2007-09-18
Hi

Very interesting information! Thanks!

G'night
#2 Christopher Knuffke (christopherk222@yahoo.com) (USA) at 2005-12-24
I think that age matters to some people, American men/Russian women. Although some may not agree, I think it is best to bring the issue out in the open and discuss it. Then see where that leads, for better or worse.
That is what I did, so I am speaking from my own experience. It WAS an issue for the lady, and it was resolved (after discussion, by email).
And if it is not an issue for man or woman, proceed!
- Chris
Author's answer: Thank you, Chris, for the story about your experience. Really, it is much easier to discuss this issue until hearts get attached to each other, until much money has been spent, and until you have distance of thousands miles behind you.
A simple question and a simple answer! And the earlier you ask this
question, the less painful your reaction to the reply will be.
Good luck, Chris!
#3 Felipe A. Len-Rios, P.E. (Panama Republic of Panama) at 2005-11-16
Dear Slava and Irina Chernova,

I must congratulate both of you for the face up-lift of your previous newsletter. It is excellent. The contents of the inbred culture, the psycological behavior, the home economic stability and the topic of age difference and russian women expectation of a happy life, and husband role in addition of breadwinner.

As a client I would expect to be able to communicate with the perspective lady as I am doing it with you. So least I expect the lady to speak some English or Spanish since commuication is not only necessary but essential for the survival of the relationship. Thus, I believe personally believe that learning Russian is a
most as respect to the other partner.

In my case, I have been a successful Civil Engineer, retired, with dual citizenship U.S.A and Panamanian, and economically I do not have to worry for the rest of my life. In addition I have two patents registered in the U.S. and Panama that if accepted by the Panama Canal Authority it will make me extremely wealthy.

However, I have to consider two drawbacks,
1. I was born on June 6, 1937, which will make me 69 years old in 2006.

2. I have a phobia problem of flying, which will make my travel difficul, an alternative will be for the lady to visit me with all trip paid for herself and a child, to see the area where she will the conditions and soroundings she will live, an analyze if I meet her expectations.

Because being for many years as a swimmer and martial arts, without smoking or drinking have kept me physically fit people believe I am in my fifties.

However; I have to be realiztic and forsee, what would happen to the family is something happens, to me. this is a serious consideration.

Here in Panama is a very small group of ladies married from Russia and Ukraine leading a very happy life, of what I have observed. From professor at the Technological University to a hairdresser, from a wife of sauge company to an operatic singer. A russian lady became a widow and she is handling a gymnasium, etc...

I thank you both of you, Slava and Erina for permitting me to communicate with you.

Felipe A. Len-Rios

Author's answer: Dear Felipe!

Thank you for your warm letter.

Your reflections about your age and responsibility that it involves are very
sensible and mature. But I wonder why notwithstanding all that you want to
have a wife from Russia! :)

First of all I should say that your requirements (knowledge of the language
and age) narrow the circle of search greatly. But it is surmountable. There
are thousands of web-sites in the Internet and I am sure you will find your
Mss Right.

The problem concerning your fear of flying is more complicated. It is next
to impossible for Russian women to get a visa to America. So it is
troublesome to develop relations for those who try to avoid flying. Young
girls can get students' visas (with great difficult though), and women of
middle age that has nothing to hold them in the country and moreover by a
man's invitation have a very little chance:

I would recommend you to use the search system and seek women from 45, who
know English at least on the level of 3-5. The younger a woman is, the more
carefully read her profile and her age preferences.
Any way, I wish you to find the one that will brighten your life! And we
will try to do everything possible for it to happen.
#4 steve savell (australia) at 2005-11-16
I like what the people on the site have said of the age factor women to men 5-10-15 years difference in age.
I am an aussie so even at 48 I am true believer that a younger woman does keep you young, I personally go out with a Ukraine girl whom is 28 and never ever a problem, so I really think the age thing is mostly all in the mind.
No way in this world would I ever consider a woman my own age! After 34 years old in a woman I am out the exit -stage left as they say and in a hurry.
Aussies as a rule have a very strong preference too much younger women and it seems to work just fine from what I’ve seen.
The Russian /Ukraine girls yes as in style, loyalty, class (well they leave ours for dead) and their ideals are far more solid than aussie girls.
I don’t know about all the perfect match love thing (I think a lot of that comes from watching to many soapiest on TV - you start to believe me after awhile) as I think love grows and it seems that it is to take care of itself, treat a woman with care and you respect that you would expect yourself and well 3/4 of the battle is over.
Somebody once said to me ohh language barrier etc it’s to hard --what a lot of rubbish its simple you just teach each other as we have.
It really is so simple after just a bit of persevering, it all comes together.
The girls from Russia /Ukraine yes they are great stuff and they do know how to look after oneself far more than what we could get from our materialistic women in this country (whom expect it all on a silver plate and more until your earning capabilities are gone - still they cry for more!) best thing I’ve ever done is to team up with a very lovely Ukrainian girl.
Author's answer: Dear Steve!

A young wife is capable of keeping you young – it is the obvious argument of those who choose a woman much younger than they are. It is understandable! :) When you wake up in the morning and see a young classy woman by your side, you think that life is beautiful! :)

However, I am ready to dispute some points.
First, I don’t agree that the language barrier is rubbish. If your lady has the highest point of English knowledge in her profile, she will need just to get used to fast speed, get into the local dialect and practice more. That’s really simple!

And if your chosen one doesn’t know the language at all?
She wakes up in the morning and says with terrible accent: “Good morning, dear!” and that’s everything she is able to say. She doesn’t understand what they speak on TV, what neighbors say, what you say to her. And it takes a lot of patience and time to improve the situation. Remember how long babies learn how to speak!
And if your chosen one is over 40, her education will go more slowly.
It is well-known fact that the younger a person is, the more easily he learns.
So I wouldn’t have so light-minded attitude to this problem.

The second point - "I personaly go out with a ukraine girl whom is 28 and never ever a problem".
While you are going out there are no problems at all! It is the happiest time that can be compared only with honeymoon. Problems can arise later when you live together and have common household, romance disappears. It happens not only with couples that have big difference in age. But of course it may never happen (I wish it to you wholeheartedly!).

I just think it is too early to say this kind of phrases. If you wrote: “I’ve been married to a Russian woman for 5 years, she is 20 years younger than me and we’ve never had problems because of age difference!” – that would be a good argument.
#5 jay english (northern ireland) at 2005-11-16
A younger woman is attractive to an older man because they do not need to rush to have children before its too late. The lack of language understanding has led to an unfair criticism that such a relationship is like two children learning together. Action always is stronger than words.
Author's answer: Dear Jay!

You express yourself in a very laconic way, but I'd like to touch one interesting subject you mentioned.
In Russia it is not common to put off the matter of having children "till later". Children are one of the major parts of family values. If you want a Russian wife, but don't want children, the circle of your search narrows greatly to:
- those women who are too old to think about children;
- those women who have children already. Perhaps they have satisfied their maternal instinct already;
- or exceptional cases when a woman doesn't want to have children.

But on the other hand, all couples, even those for which "it is time" already, don't dare to have children as soon as they get married. The fact is that the first years in a new country are very hard years when a woman gets adjusted to a new country, including new climate and new food that may cause health problems. Sometimes our former clients write me letters from which I get to know that such problems are not rare. In a while everything gets all right, but the period of adaptation can last a year or even two. Nevertheless, if you look thru our news thread, you will see that we wrote more than once that our couples had babies. The team of our agency takes
special pride in this fact, because if a couple thinks about children, it means they have successful and stable relationship.
Irina, editor
www.chanceforlove.com



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