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I received many letters in response to the previous newsletter. Here are some of them:
Slava,
It is an impressive newsletter, very informative and easy to read! I am sure your newsletter is helping many couples and prospective couples. I always look forward to receiving a newsletter from you. But I wonder if you also have newsletter for your women as well. I think, both the men (foreign) and the women (Russian/Ukrainain women wishing to have international marriages) should be equally informed.
I have the impression that Russian women (this is just my impression and opinion), in general, are relatively "dreamy"/"idealistic".. with strong fantasies of prince Charming soulmate coming along to sweep her off her feet from the first moment ..taking her away to EVERLASTING land.. and all will be in perfect harmony from then on". (I got this impression from the few Russian women I knew and from seeing some Russian women's artworks...A couple of the Russian women I know strongly believe that "you'll know right away your PRINCE/or no-prince from the first moment" which I tend to be skeptical about...as this will mean "falling in-love with first impression/with the fantasy or dream or the promise" ...like Snowwhite or Cinderella falling-in-love in a blink-of-an-eye with Prince Charming ...rather than taking time to get to know the "real" and loving him.. It takes sometime to know the real, therefore it takes time to know if he is indeed the ONE! ...Remember, even Princess Diana had some frustrations marrying a prince). Maybe this is one of the reasons why many Russian women get attracted to "international introductions" or why many Russian women fall-in-love so quickly and get married so quickly with foreign men without getting to know them substantially. The danger with this is sooner or later, they will have to realize that they fell in love with a "dream" which may not necessarily the same with the "real" in most instances, sad to say but true(This is, of course, a general problem to everybody, local or international love affairs)the difference between "the Prince on a white horse" she dreams, and the real average man she marries.. or the difference between the "faraway kingdom in her dream" and "the real world she's getting into"(the real America full of loneliness, dangerous streets, "shallow entertainments" and no buses for transportation...and an America husband who, after all, snores at night and stays home all weekend watching American favorite past-times too slow and boring for Russian women to enjoy).
Again, this is just my impression, I want to hear a reaction from a Russian woman about this (maybe from one or two of your clients).
I believe your women clients should be informed as well of the realities they have to face and prepare for. Are they receiving newsletters too?
More power to Chance..
Villamor
Dear Villamor,
Thank you for your thoughtful letter. I can say that you understand Russian women very well and what they think about foreign men. Really, Russian folklore, fairy tales created a firm confirmation that foreign men are princes of white horses who will take them to a wonderful land, where they will arrange a splendid wedding (magnificent white dress) and will live, give birth to children and grow wealthier. :) It is amazing but even middle and old-aged women and practical businesswomen, who seem to be ironical about everything, cherish this childish dream in heart.
But that’s deep in their hearts. In their minds many women understand that their life isn’t going to be smooth and without problems. And one more thing - many women don’t believe that they will be lucky to find their soulmate and when it happens to them, they get embarrassed. No wonder, they aren’t prepared to that at all! I can say the same about many foreign men. Unfortunately, I know a couple of cases when men broke relations without any visible reason after a fiancée visa had been received.
Newsletter for women is a good idea. However, it is hard to realize. A very small percent of women have e-mail addresses and access to Internet. That is one of the reasons they turn to us! But we try to tell them all these things in personal conversations and consult on all questions, concerning the psychology of relations, peculiarities of international marriages. It is absolutely free of charge.
We are very interested in people to know more about it. Not only about good sides, but about possible difficulties as well. Then they won't meet disappointment and will be more sensible about marriage. That’s the purpose of our newsletter.
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Dear Slava,
I was touched by tears at your sharing about the language barrier, and what the Russian woman goes through for us. The women I have gotten closest to on Chance for Love have been women who speak at the one level. It made it hard to converse away from translation. When the last relationship ended due to my having to be away from your agency for awhile, I returned looking for English speaking Russian women. Then, inevitably, I am led to a woman who speaks at one level, but who shares both my spiritual and interest directions. Do I run or distance myself from her because of lack of English, versus another woman who speaks at 4 level?
The answer is NO. Love can overcome these inadequacies IF we are committed to the beauty of getting together. I have always appreciated the sacrifice the Russian/Ukranian women make on our behalf IF we decide to marry. To leave your culture, your friends, your way of doing things, and be thrown into the fast-paced life in the United States is traumatic, even for those of us who live here!
Thanks for showing us that LOVE is the universal language, and to let that guide us as we learn to communicate in our respective mother tongues to each other. Suddenly one finds more patience understanding the sacrifice and expense to learn English!
Your fiend and client,
Peter Olson, Wisconsin
Dear Peter!
It is very nice to start a new season with your touching and wise letters! Thank you.
I absolutely agree with you. Everyone can learn a foreign language, but not everyone can become THE ONE. So it is necessary to seek someone not by her level of English, but by her personality. If you find the right one, all the difficulties will be overcome!
“Your fiend” – a funny mistype for Pastor, isn’t it? ;)) It is only a joke! :))
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Thank you Slava for a very encouraging news update.
Of course, the language barrier will be there in the first few years but could be quite eliminated if the lady herself is determined to overcome the issue.
When my friend's wife came from Serbia some 10 years ago, I found that she could not even say hello in English. I was amazed to learn some 5 yeas back that she started teaching in a Local School (in English) in London. I could not believe it until I saw her reading 'Sunday Times' news paper. She is now not even settled in but now helping girls from Eastern Europe to get in to teaching in London since the profession is in great demand.
I'm sure the girls/ladies from Eastern Europe will overcome quite easily as they all are highly educated. I've been chatting with one or two through you, and find very interesting and impressive the way they respond my letters. Maybe you're helping them how to reply but hope that your involvement is just for translation. Anyway, the one part that I am most impressed about them is for their desire to build a happy family. All we have to do in our part is to make ourselves ready to keep them happy, provide comfortable homes, moral support, and the most important is to show love and affection. Tell them that we are being too close and madly in love.
It is my opinion that we'll have to think ourselves lucky to be with the ladies from Eastern Europe or else we will have to deal with drunken, self-centred, selfish, un-trustworthy, Western ones.
I was married to one for 15 years, and never again.
Kind regards.
Max
Dear Max,
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It is really a very good example!
Since to become a teacher one must have a good command of the language. I think that there are a lot of examples like this in life, otherwise there wouldn’t be any sense in international marriages! :)
Here is what I want to say concerning letters. All our women write letters by themselves. And we translate them for you. Our viewpoint is we shouldn’t interfere into relations. There is no room for the third one in love! Our role is to provide conditions and technical support. But for years of work (we’ll be 10 years old this summer!!!) we have accumulated a positive experience and it would be inhuman not to share it with our clients. :) So we consult both men and women if they find themselves in difficult situations. When a man only starts to take interest in international marriages, he knows and can do nothing. He looks at a blank sheet of paper and doesn’t know what to begin with! To grow as experienced as we are, he needs to go a long way and make all the mistakes he is capable of! :) It can take long years!
That’s what the dating agencies exist for!
A good tip for St. Valentine’s Day:
Phone and say or write in a letter tender forms of address in Russian. She will be pleased! (Stressed vowels are marked by uppercase letters. Correct them into lowercase letters if you wish to use them in a letter).
DorogAya - Dear
LyubEEmaya - Darling
MEElaya – Sweet
SOlnishko – Sunny
KotYOnok – Kitty
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