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Russian wives abroad: what is it like?

Interview with Elena who has been married to an American Man for two years.

Today I’d like to acquaint you with Elena Davis. She got married to our client Kevin two years ago. If you saw our page “Success stories”, then you know them already:) Elena has come back to her Motherland, to Kazan for the first time and she has a lot of stories!

But we decided to ask her what it is like to be a wife of an American.

Maybe your Russian wives will tell you the same after they have been married to you for two years. But why waiting for so long? Let’s learn the future.

- Lena, what did you expect from America?

Well, I’d read a lot about it. I knew that American Men (AM) are family oriented and love children very much. When I came there I could appreciate it. I can tell that American Men are our mothers and American Women are our fathers.

- ???

Their mothers can desert their children and leave them to their husbands and to become married again for 5 times more. And it’s normal for them! I can understand them now, but I do not excuse them. They think that they do take care about their children because usually their fathers have more income and so, it would be better for children to live with fathers. It can’t but shock a Russian Woman, who would never leave her children. And it’s another advantage of AM. They love their children a lot! From Russian wives' point of view they do not bring them up: do not punish them, don’t teach moral every 3 seconds. And the children watch the behavior of adults and adopt their experience. It’s unusual for us.

- Then why do American Women give birth to their baby so late?

Well, first, they make their career. Secondly a woman of any age is a woman there. She can marry both in 50 and 60 years old and even to a man who is much younger than they are. In Russia if a woman is not married by 35 years old then everybody feels sorry about her and thinks that her life is not good. And Kevin always says me that “our women start blossoming after they are 40 years old”. And the American Woman I’m surrounded with is good evidence of these words.

- What does it mean to be an American wife?

I rather consider our women as Russian wives of American Men!:))). American women do not cook, do not wash their husbands’ clothes. They are fully self-served. I don’t know why they need a man at all! They say in Russia that a husband is the second child. And an American woman says: “He wants me to be his mother! No way!”. Concerning the way a woman is treated, the Russian Women (RW) have pathologic fear that their husband will leave them. In America men are afraid of the same. Kevin always asks me “Will you leave me?” and I say “Why do I have to leave you?” I don’t understand why he asks that.:)) If I am in a bad mood he looks for the cause in himself and if we quarrel he asks me to forgive him. But why? If that was my fault! I’ve been shocked with such an attitude to a woman. It is possible to be Russian wives, of course.

- And they say that Americans are like Russians.

No, it’s a delusion. We have too less in common. All is the other way. And it’s difficult to accept that. I came there as deaf and dumb because I did not know English and moreover all was different! Different measures and weights. I wonder why time is counted in the same way? I cannot get used to their measures. I have a huge experience of life but it does not work there! I don’t know anything and depend on Kevin. Well, I don’t like it very much. I’m here as an alien from another planet – I’m a person from Russia. Americans are very solitary people. Of course, AM differs from RM a lot. They say that RM are more romantic. Maybe… but if the relationships are to become serious, AM are safer. They treat everything more seriously. They love their families very much and have panic fear to divorce. And that’s because of their Law; a woman can take half of the property.

- Why, is there lack of women? Why do they come to us to seek for Russian wives?

I can tell you that. Do you want to know the truth?


But it’s not quite sweet. When I came there I realized (as all other RW) that Russian wives do not have any advantage! We are just immigrants there, like Filipino. By the way, there are a lot of them there. They like to marry us because of our patience. And everybody in Russia thinks that we are a great nation and great culture, but we are considered one of the third countries there. So why they marry us? They are just tired of AW, of their power. AW can offend a man and wipe their feet about him. Once at my work I had a talk with AW. One of them, a mother of 3 children, divorced, said: “Can you imagine, he wanted me to be his mother! So I would cook for him and put his clothes together. See! I have 3 children and that’s enough for me to cook for them!”. And I think that if you cook for them, why can’t you cook also for your husband?!:) I was shocked. I wanted to ask her but I didn’t want to quarrel with her. But one day I said that our women do all these things for their man! And she said one thing that I didn’t expect to hear: are your men lazy? Not that AW are bad housewives but that our men are lazy. So, they treat their men in this way. I consider that a normal man wants to be the head of his family; he wants to take some decisions. Am I right? And if to press him, then of course he will look for another woman. Men who had RW wants only Russian wives.

- How did Kevin find you? Why did he start to seek a wife abroad? Did you talk about it?

Yes, we did. And he told me that he had been married to an AW and she had been 15 years older than him. Then he realized that he couldn’t have good relationship with AW. He did not look for especially RW, just another nationality. And European preferably. And he found the “ChanceForLove” Agency and found me there! Thank you very much!

- Thank you for the interview. Finally I’d like you to give some recommendations to those men, who are looking for their Russian wives.

Well, the first that I want to say about it is that you need to choose a woman of your age. If a 50 y.o. man chooses 20 y.o. girl, it’s not right. You just can’t have common interests because both of you grew up in different times. You will not listen to the same music. And you have different cultures. What can be common between a 50 y.o. man and a 20 y.o. girl? Kevin and I have the same thoughts about it. He says: “Such man will buy a wife for himself but she will not love him. She can respect him, but most likely she will divorce him in a couple of years. As soon as she feels her independence”. Men do not take this into consideration. And it’s also important that a woman’s intellect must be equal to a man’s. If he doesn’t have a degree and he chooses a woman with 2 degrees, then most likely they will not live together for a long time. Because it would not be interesting for this woman to live with this man and they will divorce in future. I can see that men do not count their steps for future. Maybe they think that if they marry her she’ll be thankful to him all her life? No, no way. Russian wives are steadfast and assured. They will adapt a little bit and will rule everything. And she will not live with him but she’ll find a good job. It’s the same for both men and women: you need to choose a person similar to you, who has similar interests.

- And what about the exterior?

It’s important, of course. Because we choose people looking at them. But what then? AM, always remember that Russian wives are very intellectual. Yes, when we come we feel like children for the first time. We are helpless in everything! But time passes and we become equal. Will the relationship change then? You should always think about it.

Our partner: The first web community devotedly exclusively to you...Today's independent single woman.

Your comments:

#1 Victor G. Alcalde (USA) at 2007-06-24
Here is my delima, i met Ludmila Volkova in one of these dating sites. We have been e-mailing each other everyday sice 1 June 2007. She really loves to write, but after reading about all this scams. I don;t know if i should continue.I have not seen anything negative about her e-mails. She writes straight from the heart. And her pictures are her self all genuaine. What do you think?
Author's answer: Dear Victor,

It is difficult to judge from your message whether Ludmila’s letters are scam or not. I think that if you are interested in a lady you should not stop your correspondence but be attentive.

There are some hints, which can help you to avoid scamming.
The most important is never send money to lady you correspond until you meet and apply for fiancee visa.

Such signs as ignoring your questions by a lady, a lot of formal phrases and long and often delays of woman’s letters also should make you more cautious.
#2 Richard (England) at 2007-02-01
I was very interested in this article, I think It points out how different life is in the west.
Russian and FSU women are used to being the mother figure and taking care of all the family and the husband being another child in some ways.
Due to the fact that most men will leave home in their early 20's in the west and live independently of their mothers, unlike FSU where a man will stay at home until he gets married. Western men are used to washing their own clothes , cooking for themselves and doing their own housework.
When an FSU woman will come here they are expected to share all the jobs in the house but are also expected to bring in a wage and the same go's for the man.
The days of "a mans job" and "womans work" have long gone and everything is equal in our society ,(or should be !!).
The other thing that some FSU women find unusual is that they will be expected to join in all the social things that the men do.
I have found that when you visit another couple in FSUm all the women will congregate in one room and talk "girly things" and the men will drink and maybe go out to a bar , leaving the women to their own devices.
My partner was surprised to find that If I went to the pub to see my friends , she would come with me and all their partners were there as well.
If we were at someones home, everybody would stay and talk in a totally equal manner and she would be listened to and her opinion given just as much credence as mine.
Maybe western men are not as romantic as our FSU counterparts, but we do not consider our female partners to be second class people and we want to spend time with them and not try to get away from them in social situations.

Author's answer: Hello Richard!

The difference between Russian and Western families is obvious. Men in Russian families have not many household duties, almost everything is done by their wives or mothers, especially this can be
seen in families, living in villages. Some of them even do not know where their clothes are in a wardrobe:)
Of course, there are little changes among younger generation, but it is far away from the equality between a man and a woman in Russian families.
As for social situations in my own family and my friends' families where there is a husband there is a wife. We all try to spend our free time together, but I have often noticed that men and women
finally divide into groups of interest, I think it is quite normal, because women wish to discuss their own things, which are not interesting for men and visa versa.
I do not think that such situation means men's attitude towards women as a second-class, it is just different cultures and traditions

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