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What you should know about your girl before proposing to her

    When writing a letter you often don’t know what issues you’d better choose and what questions you should ask. On one hand, you can ask whatever you like because you don’t know her at all! On the other hand, possible questions are so numerous that you get lost!!! Which ones should come first? I think each of you can think over the list of questions that YOU find important. To help you do this, let me offer you a list of questions, or rather topics that you should discuss with your potential wife. Discussing them, you will learn to find the points of similarity and be tolerant (if possible) to a different opinion. If you clarify the issues mentioned below you’ll be able to enjoy your wonderful evenings together in love and concord but not in quarrels.

    Possibly, some points will seem funny to you. Well, read everything carefully and then I will tell you real life stories and you will see that because of some points families were about to divorce.

“Helpful Marriage Similarities” by Neil Clark Warren

1. Socio-economic background of family

2. Intelligence

3. Formal Education

4. Verbal skills

5. Expected roles for both persons within the marriage

6. Views about power distribution within the family

7. Desired number of children

8. When a family should be started

9. Child-rearing views

10. Political philosophy

11. Views about smoking, alcohol and drugs

12. Amount of involvement with in-laws

13. Sense of humor

14. Punctuality

15. Dependability

16. Desire for verbal intimacy and ability to be intimate

17. The role of conflict and how to resolve it

18. The way to handle anger

19. How friendships with the opposite sex should be handled

20. Expected amount of privacy and rules for its use

21. Level of ambition

22. Life goals

23. Attitudes about weight

24. Faith and spiritual beliefs and preferences

25. Amount of church involvement

26. Family spiritual involvement

27. Hobbies and interests

28. Type of music enjoyed

29. Energy level for physical activities

30. Sexual drive and sexual interests

31. Amount of income to be spent and saved

32. How money should be allocated - clothes, vacations, etc.

33. Amount of money to be given away and to whom

34. Degree of risks to be taken with investments

35. Attitudes about cleanliness - house, clothes, body, etc.

36. Ways of handling sickness

37. Health standards - when to see a doctor

38. Interpersonal and social skills

39. Amount of and type of social involvement preferred

40. Geographical area in which to live

41. Size and style of house

42. Type of furniture and decorations

43. Amount and type of travel preferred

44. How to spend vacations

45. How to celebrate major holidays

46. How much time to spend together

47. When to go to sleep and get up

48. Temperature of home during the day and night

49. Activity during meals - talking, watching TV, etc.

50. Television programs preferred

    Well, did some points really make you smile? :) Let’s examine some questions. I can talk endlessly about it, but I will tell you only some stories to save time.

    Everybody knows that the most stable family is built by the people who have roughly equal status in society and level of education. But why do we forget about it when we look for a wife?

    Oksana stayed in England not long. She was a Doctor of Technical Sciences, former teacher at the prestige institute. She just couldn’t change her life for a life of a plant – only eating and sleeping. It was just what her husband induced her to do. Being a low educated man, he didn’t let her continue her education, didn’t welcome her striving to find a job and so on. She told that her husband’s way of life had turned to be simply murderous for her. Their marriage broke.

    By the way, it is a good question to discuss: will your wife work? The economical situation in Russia makes almost all women work. Some dream that after marriage they will not work. Others can’t imagine their life without work and they don’t agree to be a “couch dog”. Natasha, for instance, didn’t want to work after marriage. But soon she found out that her husband had almost no savings, instead he had debts. To improve the family situation, Natasha volunteered to go to work, but her husband strongly objected to it! (The reason lay in jealousy: he was afraid that at work someone would seduce so smart woman). Whatever the reasons might be, these questions should be discussed before wedding!

    Equally important question is children. Do you want to have your own children? How will you bring up the children of your wife? How should she treat your children?

    Irina dreamed about a child and she got pregnant just after wedding. But this news upset her husband: he wasn’t going to become a father so soon. Think, how Irina felt being alone in a strange country, without support from her friends and relatives, where all the people spoke different language – how she felt being pregnant and not needed. Luckily, during these 9 months a future father reconciled himself to his role. How many nerves they could have saved if they had discussed this question beforehand?

    Gulnara didn’t marry an Englishman though everything was ready for their marriage. It was an unpleasant surprise for her that the daughter of her fiancée appeared to be seriously ill. Her father felt sorry for her and he allowed her to do everything that she wanted. She made piles of rubbish, poured sauces at TV set, in general, entertained herself in all possible ways. And it was just after hard cleaning Gulnara had done!  At that it was forbidden to make remarks to his daughter and to teach her to keep order. The might-have-been stepmother couldn’t put up with this.

    Brian describes his marriage as happy one. But as soon as someone mentions the name of his stepson, he looks awful. The boy is absolutely uncontrollable and he gives a bad example to his own son. How should he bring him up?  

    Sadly, there are many examples of this kind.

    You shouldn’t neglect “less serious” questions as well. Bill came to Russia only for Lilia’s sake. But at the very first dating he understood that he saw a potential member of the club “Anonymous alcoholics”. At 11am Lilia drank so much beer he could drink only for the entire night! :)) Luckily he had “a reserve variant” and he met with another girl he is corresponding with now.

    Soon after her leaving for the USA Maria told us that her marriage was ready to break! Her husband forces her to sleep naked, but she is very cold :)). She has to wait for her husband to fall asleep and then put on something. And in the morning, before her husband is awake, she gets dressed. It would be funny, if it weren’t so sad. How long can she endure it?  

   Reema’s husband buys only red erotic underwear for her. She is shy to put it on and feels a “selling herself” woman in it. But she has no other underwear besides it now.

   Is it possible to speak about a warm family with mutual understanding in these cases?

Talk about everything BEFORE WEDDING. And remember: the best way to get a reply is to ask a question! Don’t imagine anything to yourself, but ask about what interests you.

Your comments:

#1 Larry Phelps (USA) at 2007-03-03
Why is it so hard for women from Russia and former soviet countries to freely visit America without going through all the paperwork?? It sounds like an agenda to keep caucasian women from migrating to America, but there seems to be nothing stopping non-caucasian people from coming over to America in droves. Call me conspiratory, but this sounds like a concerted effort to turn America into a mass of non-caucasians. The globalists and one-worlders like to push multiculturalism and diversity, but as long as it's more non-caucasians. I'm not a wealthy man, and I can't take off from work for weeks to visit a number of women I may have met on these Russian Bride sites. This tends to discourage me. It's sad that it's the Russian and Ukrainian women that desire to find a man and raise a family.. It's just the opposite with today's American women. All the women that I've met here in America all seem to just want to party and pursue their careers or social lifes.
Author's answer: Yes, you are right that it is quite difficult to obtain a visa to visit the USA for not only Russian women and men but to my mind for the rest of the world too. I think that it is a bureaucracy. Even
to get fiancee visa takes time and efforts.

I agree with you that there are a lot of non-caucasians not only in America, but in Russia too:)

I think that they are more persistent in their intention to live in better place:)

Most of Russian women are quite opposite to American ladies, quite few of them are eager to build a good and successful career. Majority of Russian ladies want to create a strong family, as they could not find their happiness in their own country. And they prefer American or European men, as they are more responsible and caring.

I do not think that you need to have several weeks to meet Russian or Ukrainian women, it is better to correspond with several ones and if you have 2 weeks vacation it will be enough for a man to meet
the ladies he is interested in and determine who matches him best.

You should not be discouraged, as if you find a lady whom you fall in love with, you will overcome difficulties with getting visa and so on.

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