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First Introduction letter: don’t repeat mistakes of others


    Recently we got an angry letter from our client. He accused us of having incompetent translators and unserious women. We are very sensitive to statements like these, because we think that everything is just the other way round at our agency. We are constantly working with our women, remove inactive and uninterested from our database.

    As for our managers and translators – they are all professional, have higher education and experience. I stop advertisement and introduction here. :))

    The ground for this article was investigation about the complaint of this client. Reading his letter, we got amazed that there were some women who wrote him back! Let’s look at his letter together. Putting the cart before the horse, I say that it is possible to write the whole book about how one must not write letters by the example of this letter. Never do like this man!


1. First lines.


“So I see you think you’re easily offended, why do you think That? I myself do not let people offended me I just laugh at them.  How do you pronounce your first name???

My name is … (age, date of birth, weight-height, town-state).”

Have you noticed any greeting words? I also haven’t noticed them. Instead of that, the author starts a letter with…critics! And what is more, the woman has written in her profile that she is a vulnerable person! But it doesn’t mean that any man, she doesn’t know at all, can start his first “love” letter from critics!  Well, as a matter of fact, this letter doesn’t look like love letter at all. It resembles a man who buys vegetables at the market, looking carefully for small flaws and awfully bargaining!!!  

The woman could reject at once after these first lines, but we will continue reading the letter.


2. Exclusiveness.

«I don't really know what your personality is like, I will be honest I have written hundreds of letters. I hope you’re real and your serious about love and marriage. I can understand how you might get letters from men who have nothing better to do but I am very serious, I have a visa for Russia from December I did plan on going to see women until I realize I was being misled by someone».


It is very romantic to hear that a man has corresponded with hundreds (!) of women and is going to come not only to her. Even if it is so, what for to tell about it? The author names it “honesty”, but in fact he is simply tactless. Has it ever come to his mind that it can hurt women’s feelings? The second reason for rejection. No one wants to be one among hundreds!


3. A thousand and one questions.

“so I will be asking some tough questions, so please do not be offended by questions, I know the type of personality I can be around: a calm but strong and positive one. Please feel free to ask me any question you like».

“I keep finding women who do not answers all my questions, I do not know if it is the translation or if they just do not like to answer any questions”.


Imagine the situation. An unfamiliar man comes up to you. Introduces himself briefly and starts asking you personal questions:


- So my questions such as what are you like? Almost every profile I read is saying the same thing.

- What kind of person are you?

- What do you do at work?

- I wonder what kind of man you would like to be around?

- I also wonder what you think about this international love.

- What happened to your marriage?

- Have you been corresponding with anyone?

- Please tell all about you, your life and what you expect from your man.

- Tell what movies you like? Your favorite meals? Your favorite things to do?


And so on in the same manner. All in all we have counted about 20 questions in his letter, and it is possible to write the entire letter in answer to each of them.


What mistakes were made here?

1. While you don’t know each other well, you shouldn’t ask personal questions! Not every person finds it possible to open his heart before the unknown man. The first letter is like an invitation to dance. You can introduce yourself, offer correspondence. You can flirt and make compliments. You shouldn’t bomb her with the facts of your private life and tell about your ex-wife that left you for a young lover! :-) The goal of the first letter is to excite romantic feelings of a woman. If you want to find love, not a benefit-seeking shark hunting for your purse, then act accordingly!

2. You shouldn’t ask so many questions at a time. You will unlikely get answers to all of them. It is impossible to do in one letter!

3. Never press a woman, never demand anything from her or blackmail. And this phrase looks just so: “I keep finding women who do not answers all my questions, I do not know if it is the translation or if they just do not like to answer any questions”. If you ask a reasonable number of questions and they will be appropriate for each stage of dating, you will get all answers! If you don’t receive an answer, you always can ask the question again, emphasizing it. A woman could simply forget about it, answering other questions.


But let’s return to the letter. Further the author writes the detailed story about himself, about his ex-wife, children. We won’t cite it here. Just mark those places where in our opinion he made mistakes.


4. Ex-

The detailed story about ex-wife astonishes. Why??? If a woman asks the question about it herself, then you can tell her without going into details. Tell in brief. Since now you are going to have a new life with a new woman. What relation does your ex- bear to it? But what reasons moved this man to tell about how his ex-wife lives now? I don’t know!


5. Too long letter.

The general intonation of this long letter with a mass of details about personal life, plus a large list of questions, leaves a hard impression. It is not the effect you aim at, isn’t it?  It is just where his “real funny sense of humor” would prove useful.


6. “I have no time to…”

“I could Cleary understand that the women I went to see was looking for a financial means of escape. It took me a few days to understand that, so I ended that quickly. I am very generous once I feel comfortable with the person I am with, but I am also smart enough to know the family bills come first. So you can see I will tell you the bad with the good, I have no time to mislead anyone and I do not want to be misled at all”.


“I have no time to…” the extension of this phrase suggests itself: I have no time for love, for tenderness. The author writes that he wants “to enjoy my life with someone special”, but at the same time he is choosing a wife with benefit in his mind as if at the market! He didn’t mention the word “love” in his letter. Oh, I am sorry I am mistaken. He mentioned it once: “I am very serious about finding what I call true love”.  Has the world turned upside down and true love implies rational approach nowadays? No wonder that he finds women with the same rational approach to “love” as he has. Ones reaps what he has sewn (Russian proverb).



Your comments:

#1 Anthony (USA, Texas) at 2006-05-07
Yes you will find all kinds in the interent world, this man seems to me like he is in a hurry, like most. However onhis behalf there are scams everywhere and one has to be very careful, espceiclly on line.
In closing, your evaluation appears to right on target, I hope that he reads mine and will adjust his thinking, my best regards to him and "Chance for love" it what is all about.
Author's answer: Yes, your perspective is right and I think you managed to settle this question totally. In addition, I recalled some scene from the picture "She's all that" Freddy Prinze Junior starring where the
heroine cries bitter tears after the row on the party and refuses to contact with people because of their cruelty. Then the hero said her that when we open our soul to people sometimes as a feedback
we get bad things also, not good only. Following from that people do contact and communicate with each other in spite of pitfalls. It's a life.



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