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Deceit will always come to light!


Internet is the sphere that provokes people to put on masks. You can invent an attractive nickname and do what you want! However, the sphere of international dating is not the zone where people may deceive. Here the people are serious about finding their other half and when they meet a cheater, it always hurts…

Yesterday we got a letter from one woman. She informed us that our client deceits women. He is her husband and she even sent the paper that proves the fact. What for is all this deceit? Does he think that it won’t be disclosed???

Certainly, if a woman corresponds on her own, anyone can play games with her as long as he wants to. But if she is the client of the agency, then neither this no any other deceit is possible to continue for long, at least because of accumulated experience. A woman at the agency is not alone. She can use the experience of all women!  

Which are the most spread points of deceit? The bulk of trickeries are connected in this or that way with the age: here are diseases, early pictures and understatement of years. However, let’s talk about each reason separately and with examples.


1. The age

David chose Oksana and wrote her a letter, where he told that he was 48 years old. She found him a bit old, as he was a little older than her father, but he managed to conquer her heart and Oksana was resigned to his age. Just before the meeting David confessed: “Oksana, I was kidding. In fact I am not 48, I am 52. But it is a little difference, isn’t it?” Oksana was shocked! But it was impossible to cancel the meeting when everything was ready for it…

At meeting she demanded his passport and found out that David-Joker had deceived her again. He was 58. He was not only older than her father, but showed not the best side of himself. He started their story with deceit, Oksana couldn’t trust him. Imagine she would have to leave the country, leave her friends and relatives for a man like this.

The result: wasted time of both, money from his part and disappointment in foreign men from hers.  

Questions:

Did he really think that his deceit would not come to light?

Did he think that she would forgive him?


2. Old pictures

Some men don’t tell their age till last possible moment, but just send their pictures without reference to date. It is not wise behavior either. If a man is shy about his appearance now, then what result does he expect at meeting? One can’t reckon just on woman’s politeness here. As marriage is a serious step…


3. Diseases

I suppose it is the most actual subject. If you have a serious disease, when you should inform about it? If at the beginning of acquaintance, then most likely it won’t continue, and if later – then one of them will surely come to disappointment and probably offence. As marriage means responsibility for each other and you mustn’t conceal from the partner what he will have to be responsible afterwards.  

Michael can’t have children and he told about it only after his chosen one said: “Yes” to his marriage proposal. The engagement was broken off.

Daniel warned his potential brides in his first letter that he is infected with genital herpes. Naturally no woman wants to correspond with him.

Angella concealed from her fiancée that she was married once, and Bob concealed from her that he had a back trauma. Bob was a policeman and he disclosed the secret of his fiancée, but forgave her. This secret would reveal itself anyway while making the fiancee visa. In their last meeting Bob decided to tell about his problem, but Angella wasn’t ready to take such a load of responsibility on her shoulders. She thought long, but finally break off the engagement that seemed so romantic.


Lilya’s son has a hard stage of diabetes. She tried to write about it in her first letters and in the middle of the acquaintance, but the result was always negative. Finally Lilya took her profile from the agency, as she despaired of finding a man capable to become not only her husband, but a father to her child.  

Diseases are hard lot for close people and not everyone is ready to shoulder it. So there are no simple answers here. To be honest and most likely lonely, or to give yourself a chance and to hope for forgiveness of the deceit? Here everyone chooses for himself.

There is only one rule here: a woman must get to know about your disease BEFORE she officially becomes your wife. She mustn’t find herself in a “trap”.

A single note about children. The duty of any woman is to become a mother. Probably, Western women have forgotten about it, but for Russian it is holy. If you are not going to have children, then discuss this question in details with your chosen one. Most likely, you should seek a woman with children. And don’t deceive yourself with those who have no children. Even if now they tell you that they don’t want any children, in one fine day the instinct will wake up in them and it is a horrible force:)


4. The process of divorce.

There are men who start dating women only beginning their divorce process. In Russia the divorce lasts for three months, while in other countries it can last for years. The first letter - wedding process takes up about a year, so imagine the disappointment of a woman when she spent the year of her life on a man, attached to him with all her heart, dreamt about new life with him, how it would hurt her to learn that:  1) he is not divorced yet, 2) they must wait for their wedding for a couple of years more, 3) new family will have to give to old one a house, car and also monthly money deductions! The outlook is not enviable…

Nataliya faced just the choice like this: to wait how such relations would develop for two years more or to start a new search. Nataliya invented the third way: she was cunning to get a student’s visa by all most impossible ways and to leave for her fiancée to wait for divorce in England. In some time the visa will expire and she will have to become illegal, as the divorce will continue a lot longer than her “education”. In my opinion, it is her man who is responsible for this. As everything started with his deceit!


5. Exaggerated income (reveal itself while getting a fiancée visa)

First he sent his picture at jeep or yacht, with a beautiful house on the background. Then he had to stoop to look for a sponsor or even for a second sponsor to make a fiancée visa. If you haven’t come across such a notion as “sponsor”, I can explain. If a man’s income is not big enough, in government’s opinion, then a man must look for a special man, who will bear financial responsibility for a foreign wife in case of bankruptcy of ill-stared husband. And if this sponsor also has a low income, then he needs a second one.

If a man “gets” a Russian wife just as an object of boast, because he has nothing else to boast of, then he will make many people unhappy: his wife, her relatives and certainly himself. Because a Russian wife requires a lot of investments: first correspondence, presents, then trip to meeting over the ocean, international telephone conversations, English classes, providing a new family with every necessary thing…. And if someone doesn’t even have 40-50 dollars for Membership, then this man must reject the idea to marry a Russian woman.


And in the end the following observation. We work directly with women in the office and we see how they suffer when men’s deceit comes to light. You see that the negative press all over the world represent and show women like “goods”. So don’t add humiliation to them. They just don’t want to be lonely. They want love and care! So let’s be gentlemen and stop solving our problems and disadvantages using women.




Your comments:

#1 Oliver (USA) at 2006-11-17
I have a "sponsor" question. How much money (income) is enough? What does the government look for? Every person's lifestlye is different which would reflect their cost of living.

Author's answer: Dear Oliver,

The government wants to be sure that an alien woman won’t stay in an alien country without any means of subsistence in case if a man she’s come to turns out to be unable to support her at least in the beginning. A woman won’t be able to work at least 1 year. This time will be the time of her adaptation in a new country and the minimum period for getting a visa that will permit her to work. Concerning the exact sum of the income you’d rather address to the Immigration Service of your country because rules are often being changed and only there you’ll get the exact answer.
#2 John O'Beirne (Canada) at 2005-10-08
I have a health question. I am 39 and have had two minor strokes. I was told not to tell prospective women this 'just yet'.
I am actually quite fine, i just have a slight limp with my left leg now. Do you think i should just tell the lady in the beginning?
I ask because i have not heard from two Russian ladies i was very taken with.
Author's answer: Dear John!

Certainly you shouldn't tell about such things in your first letters. But when is the right time to do it?

Let's consider the following allegory. Early in the morning there are a lot of flowers in the field, but first we see only buds. The sun rises and every flower starts to open towards it. First outermost petals, then one more layer and so on. And by the noon the flower is fully open and shows its full beauty!

The sun in this allegory symbolizes a lady's attention to you. The petals of the flower is your hearts' secrets, traits of character, habits, in a word every thing that makes your personality. You open your personality gradually layer by layer if the lady's interest to you remains.

The state of your health, especially if you have health problems, I would refer to intimate matters that are opened closer to "the noon", i.e. when you are absolutely sure in your choice and in feelings of the lady to you (or at least you are sure that she sincerely likes you, glad to receive your letters, wants to meet and so on). But of course not after you proposed marriage to the lady! :)
If you have some visible problems, for instance a limp, it is better to let her know about it BEFORE your personal meeting to avoid disappointments. If your problems are invisible, you can let her know about them later.

John, you are only 39. I believe that everything will be all right in your life! Thanks for your being honest with women!



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