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Do years of dating cancel out years of relationships?

Date: 2007-11-30

Over Thanksgiving weekend, I went out on the town with a group of my
friends--all couples and then little ole me. One of the couples was arguing
a bit through the night. It was awkward and all of us were trying to ignore
it. (My least favorite thing about hanging out in a crowd of boyfriends and
girlfriends.)

As the night wore on, I was standing outside of a bar with one of my guy
friends and he asked, "Why are [Coupled Guy Friend] and [Coupled Girl
Friend] arguing?

I shrugged my shoulders and made some opinionated statement about the
situation.

"You're absolutely wrong," my guy friend said.

"Oh really? Why's that?" I responded. (I mean, rarely am I wrong. ;)

"You haven't been in a relationship in a long time Jeanna--when one makes a
mistake, it doesn't mean that's it for the other person. I mean, you forgive
them and usually work it out."

He was right. One argument--or eight arguments--don't usually end a
relationship. Especially when you're committed and love each other like I
know this particular couple does. He called me out, and I admitted my fault.
I didn't have a problem with admitting defeat, but the "You haven't been in
a relationship in a long time" statement made me cringe. And I've been
thinking about it ever since.

Essentially, he's right. I haven't been in a committed, long-term
relationship in a long time--years. But does this discount my past
experiences and opinions on how relationships should unfold? There was a
time when I was the other half of two. But, has it been so long that I no
longer know the ins and outs of being a couple? Does being perpetually
single eventually erase all past relationship experiences and suddenly I'm
the Doesn't Know What She's Talking About girl?

I've worried over this before, and have made the statement a couple times,
"It's been so long since I've been someone's girlfriend, I don't even
remember what it's like:"

I don't share the bed; set the alarm for a time other than my own; think
about Valentine's Day gifts or plans; pass on nights out with the girls;
watch TV shows I can't stand for the sake of compromise; paste photos of me
and a boy all over my desk at work or networking site; or cry--ever--over
someone who's broken my heart.

I think it'd be safe to say that I'm now much more of an expert on living
single, flirting, dating casually, playing The Game, hooking up, catching
someone's eye in a bar, and knowing the ins and outs of bad guys. In fact, I
could talk for DAYS about guys gone wrong.

But, really:hopefully the whole relationship thing is like riding a bike.

Cause I'd hate to think that all these years of single and dating stuff has
made me relationship retarded. (That's probably not P.C. Sorry.) I'd much
prefer the opposite--that it's shaped who I will become and what I can offer
to my next great love.

Source: http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/singleout/archives/126780.asp





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