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AFTER more than two years of disheartening online dating single woman resolved to spend less time pursuing men and more time pursuing her hobbies

Date: 2007-05-17

AFTER more than two years of disheartening online dating, Charlotte Kullen resolved to spend less time pursuing men and more time pursuing her hobbies. She plunged into tennis, running, sailing, horseback riding, fitness boot camp and scuba diving classes, assuming that somewhere between the situps and the strapping on of fins she might meet some eligible prospects.

She did. They all just happened to be women.

“You would think you would meet some good men,” said Ms. Kullen, 34, who lives near Union Square in New York and is the vice president of marketing for Bellmarc Realty. “But there just aren’t any.”

“I’ve been in tennis for four months and there’s maybe one guy out of six people,” she said. “They start getting cute because there’s no one else to look at.”

As Shakespeare wrote, “The course of true love never did run smooth.” But, oh, the agony of finding true love in a course.

Conventional wisdom for singles has it that taking a golf, cooking or music class is not only fulfilling, but also an unpressured way to meet like-minded members of the opposite sex. “Put yourself out there!” the dating gurus say.

Yet in New York City, in many (if not most) adult courses, the women are numerous and the men are few — for approximately the same reason that men behind the wheel don’t ask for directions. It goes against the male grain to acknowledge ignorance about a subject, said professionals who organize classes.

The women who take such courses are often successful, bright and adventurous. And plenty of them forge powerful alliances. Yet eager students hoping to find both enrichment and romance say their classes suffer from a dearth of testosterone.

“Where are they?” asked Wendy Hill, who has taken architecture classes at the Metropolitan Museum of Art and has joined singles groups and getaways. “Where do they go?”

“You think if you do something you’re passionate about, you’ll find him,” said Ms. Hill, 45, an executive assistant who lives in Windsor Terrace, Brooklyn. She described the men in her architecture classes as 60-somethings, and the few she’d met at class activities geared to singles as “blech.”

No one denies that love occasionally blooms during Thai kickboxing or jazz appreciation. Or that some women are simply picky or overeager. Still, grumbles about the lack of single men in group classes are not unfounded.

Professionals who oversee classes in New York suggested that men have a tendency to avoid group instruction, particularly beginner classes, because they think they should already know all about, say, sports or wine. Those who do seek instruction, they said, generally prefer private lessons.

“It’s mostly women,” said Jennifer Brown, the director of the Midtown Tennis Club, which will offer more than 50 group classes each week this summer. “Eighty percent women.”

Glenn Raucher, the literary arts director of the Writer’s Voice, which conducts more than 100 writing classes a year at the West Side Y.M.C.A., said that in the first eight-week session of last year there were 127 women and 51 men in some 20 classes — about 2.5 women for every man. The ratio for the current session is similar. “A teacher will come to me with some surprise and say, ‘I have a guy in my class!’ ” he said.

At JackRabbit Sports, the running, swimming and triathlon classes are filled mostly with women, said Lee Silverman, the owner. At the Brooklyn store, for example, the beginning running class has 18 women and 2 men, and another running class has 13 women and 2 men.

Thomas Dare-Bryan, the manager and a wine buyer for Morrell & Company in Rockefeller Plaza, said that the makeup of the shop’s wine-tasting classes changes weekly but that they, too, mostly comprise women, some of whom have told him they wish there were more men. “They have actually come out with that statement,” Mr. Dare-Bryan said.

He offered this explanation for the disparity: “It’s argued that women are better tasters of wine than men. A higher percentage of women have more taste-bud receptors.” So maybe they are getting more out of the class. But, echoing others who lead classes, he added: “It may also come down to the fact that men think they know more about wine anyway, so they don’t need to learn more about it.”

The imbalance of the sexes in personal growth classes of all kinds reflects the demographics of New York City, where women outnumber men in categories including never-married, separated, divorced and widowed, according to the 2005 census. Over all, the city is home to about 4.2 million women and 3.8 million men. And nearly all of them have opinions on just how conducive the city is to dating.

Dustin Goodwin, 38, a member of the Manhattan Sailing Club (he does not take classes because he already knows how to sail) said that he has not found it difficult to meet women. But, he said: “I don’t think that I’ve ever thought that going to take a class would be a brilliant way to meet somebody. But now that you mention it ...”

Mr. Goodwin, a Brooklyn resident, also does volunteer work, another avenue often suggested to singles. He’s on the board of NYCwireless, through which he and other technologically minded men set up Internet access for people in low-income housing. Which gave him an idea: He suggested single women volunteer for organizations like his.

Even at large institutions with extensive course offerings, there are no guarantees, but the mix of women and men is sometimes better. Programming for people in their 20s and 30s this year at the Jewish Community Center in Manhattan included a Purim celebration and volunteer event that drew 69 women and 26 men, and a walking tour of Harlem for 21 women and 8 men.

Angie Lieber, a spokeswoman for the Jewish center, said that women interested in meeting men through classes should try evening photography or cooking.

But why are many of the city’s classes dominated by women?

“Men separate the social aspect from the fitness aspect,” said Mr. Silverman of JackRabbit Sports. “Women look at that at the same time.”

At the Golf Club at Chelsea Piers, women call to find out about the male-female ratio in group classes. Greta Wagner, the general manager, said that men, thinking that they do know or should know how to play, “are more apt to take private lessons.”

Women hoping to both learn the game and to mingle would be wise to attend the club’s socials and stay to practice after group lessons, Ms. Wagner said. “There’s a lot of very handsome men on the tee line.”

Mr. Silverman said that, in general, men seek instruction when they want to push through a triathlon or get turned on to a highly technical sport like cycling.

“The more intense the goal,” he said, “the more male participation.”

JackRabbit’s Olympic distance triathlon class has 22 women and 16 men. Other classes that appeal to men, Mr. Silverman said, are cycling (“Men like toys,” said Dina Pappalardo, JackRabbit’s apparel buyer) and advanced running and swimming.

Doug Oldiges, JackRabbit’s program coordinator, said the best mix of women and men occurs on the city’s sports teams.

Those willing to relive their high school gym days with games like kickball, dodgeball and touch football can join coed teams at Zogsports.org, a social sports league for professionals in their 20s and 30s.

Robert Herzog, the founder of ZogSports, said there is almost an even mix of men and women in each league. He added that he knows of 25 marriages and engagements resulting from games and volunteer and happy-hour events since 2002.

But nonathletes should not abandon all hope. Sometimes working up a sweat is unnecessary.

About two and half years ago, Debra Wilensky enrolled in a black-and-white photography class at the Jewish community center, where, coincidentally, she now works in performing arts administration. Ms. Wilensky, 27, was not expecting to develop anything more than photos.

But one night after class, a student, Randy Weinstein, an information technology consultant, asked her to have a drink. In the months that followed there were dinners and movie outings together. He photographed cityscapes. She photographed family portraits.

“I wasn’t actually at that point really looking to meet anybody,” Ms. Wilensky said.

Isn’t that always the way?

The wedding will be in the fall.





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