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Being single has advantages for women

Date: 2007-03-07

I am not going to use any statistics to try to prove the point that more women are choosing not to marry. If you want to play with numbers, you can use Thomas Sowell's figure of one-fourth or the New York Times statistic of 51 percent of women who are not living with a husband. Sowell makes the generalization that anyone on the liberal left discredits marriage and family meaning that anyone on the right is "right" and supports marriage and family. The inference also is that liberals don't uphold Christian values and morals and the conservatives do.

Generalizations can be made with any slant you choose. I will choose not to look at generalities, but will look at some specifics from my own life.

In my circle of best friends (I have a lot of "best friends") two were widowed in their 20s, left with young children to raise alone, and have never remarried. The majority of my best friends like men, are married, take family life and raising children seriously, are strong Christians and have liberal tendencies. (I consider myself somewhere on middle ground between left and right.)

My daughter is single by choice, not for lack of opportunities. Her favorite comeback when someone asks her if she has any marriage prospects is, "I'm looking for a man who, when he sits on his wallet, is taller than he is when he is standing up. I haven't found one of those yet."

A number of years ago she introduced me to the "perfect man." He was 6 feet, 2 inches tall, which complemented her six-feet-in-high-heels stature. His black hair contrasted with her blonde. They made a handsome couple. He was kind, generous, intelligent and fun. Then she found out he was into Scientology. Being an ultra-conservative Republican and a Bible-believing Christian with two years of Bible college on her resume, she was not about to get serious with a Scientologist.

She met another man to whom she was attracted, but told him "No, thanks," when he said, "Oh, so you're into that God stuff."

Then there is the lineup of guys who are interested in "hooking up" as I believe the current term is for what my parents would have called "shacking up." Again, she said, "I'm flattered, but no thanks."

The one man she seriously would have considered marrying would not make a commitment to marriage so she decided she was better off without him.

I have been divorced for more years than I was married. I am a Christian with a firm belief in the importance of family life and the sanctity of marriage. I like men and believe that children fare better in a home with both a father and mother who are loving, caring and committed, but sometimes a divorce is the better of two bad choices. Sometimes a woman has no choice.

I have learned to like my single life. I chose to devote my time to working and to spending as much time as I could with my family. It might be nice to have a man in my life with whom to discuss plans and dreams. (News flash folks: Men do think differently than women and can bring other viewpoints to issues.) It might be nice to go out for lunch or a concert with someone, but even that is not in the cards for me. I have chosen not to date or even to consider a second marriage.

But I must like myself because I really enjoy my own company. I can eat when and what I want to eat, I can drink the milk out of my cereal bowl or eat ice cream out of the carton. Who's to know? I can make my own decisions about where to live, what to wear and what social events I want to be involved in. I can read all night without someone bothering me.

Perhaps I am selfish, but I would rather think I am wise not to burden a man with my idiosyncrasies and independence.

Besides, any man of my age is looking for someone my daughter's age and anyone older than I am is looking for someone to take care of him. I don't need that in my life.

Statistics can't measure happiness. Each of us who is single can learn to be content and find joy in our lives whether we are single by choice or by circumstances.

Now I am going to put on my ratty red flannel footie pajamas and crawl into bed under my fleecy blanket with my library book and a pack of crackers.

By Elaine Babcock





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