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You’d think I’d know better from my own blind date. After meeting me, he WISHED he was sightless.
The friends I set up felt the same, and when the last one tied the knot, I reluctantly threw in the towel. But like the meddling mom in movies, I’ll enter a whole new arena when my son, Kelly, starts dating.
No doubt astrology will play a big part. When prospects provide the mandatory birth certificate, I’ll check it out carefully. And if their sign proves other than Pisces, they’ll hear, “Sorry, Charlie.” Excuse me. Charlene.
To be honest, I’d like to see a law pass endorsing arranged marriages. In the meantime, I’ll study the personal ads, from which to glean my recommendations.
And I’ve bookmarked online dating sites like eHarmony and Perfect Match. The former boasts a “scientific profile system.”
As though they pose sideways in a lab coat.
The system delves into “29 dimensions of compatibility” such as values, intellect, and emotional temperament. But what’s to prevent applicants from fibbing? I mean, what bozo admits she flies off the handle at the drop of a hat? (Or abuses cliches?)
Singles begin their adventure by filling in a few blanks. For instance, “(man) seeking (woman) age (99) located near (Timbuktu).”
This brings them a handful of leads with names like “Goodtime Gertie.” To view a more refined assortment, they must fork over some cash.
But here’s an exception: according to its ad, PlentyofFish.com is a hundred percent, “put away your credit card” free. Hopefuls upload a photo and post a witty blurb describing themselves, then cross their fingers and wait.
They must use caution, however, lest they become addicted to online dating. One girl said she went out with so many Tom, Dick and Harrys, she couldn’t keep them straight. Others expect Adam and Eve and wind up with Jack and Jill.
But some report amazing success. One discovered her true love lived two streets down though they’d never met. Others find him or her on the other side of the planet.
Regardless, each smiling couple vouches for the sites’ success with heartfelt quotes like, “We were meant to be together!”
Frankly, I’d like to see an update when that gushy testimonial causes nausea — or a trip to a cheapo divorce site.
Online dating: The next best thing to a meddling mom.
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