|
It's a cliche most common on
Valentine's Day: the single woman moping at home with a pint of ice cream
and Sleepless in Seattle on DVD, while everyone else is out on dates. But
author Elina Furman says that single women should stop feeling sorry for
themselves.
Elina explains that many of these women are in fact choosing to be
alone (even if they don't know it) due to their undiagnosed commitment
anxiety, in her new book, KISS AND RUN: The Single, Picky, and Indecisive
Girl's Guide to Overcoming Her Fear of Commitment (Fireside/Simon &
Schuster, Inc., $13.00).
As author of the first book about female commitment phobia, Furman
explains there is no such thing as the "Accidental Single." "If a woman
thinks she is a victim in the game of love, hopelessly unlucky, or that men
are the cause of all her relationship woes, she's usually mistaken," says
Elina. "All of us choose our love lives, whether we know it or not."
After all, argues Elina, while living alone is an important rite of
passage, many single women are getting stuck in this phase. They become so
comfortable in their single lifestyle, that taking the emotional risks that
a committed relationship requires becomes too scary.
Elina identifies some of the most common signs that a woman may be
commitment phobic:
1. She has a long and elaborate list of requirements for her ideal mate
2. She goes from one short-lived relationship to the next
3. She has a habit of dating "unavailable" men
4. She thinks her married friends' lives are boring and that many of them
settled
5. She is constantly blowing "hot" and "cold" in her relationships.
Ian Kerner, author of Be Honest: You're Not That Into Him Either, says,
"Socrates wrote that an unexamined life is not worth living, and, in KISS
AND RUN, Elina Furman demonstrates with wit and empathy that an unexamined
relationship is not worth re-living. For today's generation of commitment
phobic women, she's indeed the philosopher-queen."
Elina hopes that with her book, she can help single women combat the
"poor me" blues, figure out why real love keeps eluding them, and get to
the bottom of their commitment fears once and for all.
| 
