Here comes “Dr. Debbie” to the rescue if you’re a dissatisfied single who always experiences the same unhappy endings in your relationships.
Hidden patterns of behaviour wreak romantic havoc and need to be addressed in order to find love in all the right places, says New York psychologist Debbie Magids.
There are many reasons we unknowingly contribute to being single but the most common issue is “the fear of really allowing someone too close,” she says.
“These women fear that once they are really seen for all that they are, rejection will follow.
“Feelings of shame and inadequacy stir deep within; this personality style doesn’t feel deserving, good enough, worthy.”
Dr. Debbie has identified eight “sabotage styles” (see below) common with women.
There is no simple solution to any of the eight personality types, but “everyone can be empowered by awareness, working on themselves and change their love patterns.”
Dr. Debbie specializes in intimacy and commitment issues and has penned All The Good Ones Aren’t Taken — Change the Way You Date and Find Lasting Love (St. Martin’s Press).
Her new book doesn’t focus on where to meet men, how to behave on a date, or to call or not to call — instead, she concentrates on discovering how you could be unknowingly preventing yourself from creating the relationship you want.
According to Dr. Debbie, the motivation to find love and be loved is a human one: “We all crave connection and love. Society just adds pressure and shame to the equation for those who can’t find it — or if it’s taking a little longer.”
But changing your romantic fortune is possible: Keep the faith that things happen as they should, she adds.
“Do they work, change form the inside out and then live your life. The universe will bring you together at the right time — and this time when he shows up, you will let him in versus sabotaging because of issues you were un-aware of.”
• • • • •
PERSONALITY DIAGNOSIS
Dr. Debbie Magids identifies the eight relationship personality types that sabotage finding true love: n The Old Faithful longs for the one she can’t have and, therefore, can’t move forward. The fix: Let go of past loves.
• The Whirlwind Dater constantly dates whoever she can, but has difficulty finding a permanent mate. The fix: Stop dating, learn to spend time with yourself.
• The Standstill has done a lot of work on becoming the best woman she can, but rarely dates and has trouble relating to men on an intimate level. The fix: Start dating.
• The Forbidden Fruit Hunter gets involved with men who are married, already have a girlfriend or are still hung up on an ex and therefore emotionally unavailable. The fix: Date only those completely available.
• The Compassionate Rescuer always dates the guy who has problems, putting her energy in the “fixer upper” boyfriends. The fix: Put yourself and your needs first.
• The Wanderer always has a lover or potential boyfriend on the side. The fix: Stick with one at a time.
• The Uptown Girl is attracted only to men with money, prestige and looks. The fix: Learn about things within yourself that mean something other than the external.
• The Runaway Bride is good at relationships until asked to commit and then find s a way to end the relationship, pronto. The fix: Recognize your fears of being abandoned.
|