|
Hey, so what’s up with all y’all and long distance relationships? What, you can’t find somebody within a 25-mile radius to date? Come on now… OK, I’m just joking, but I’ve had quite a few interesting conversations this week about long distance relationships that definitely make me realize that is absolutely a topic worthy of the Dr. Love franchise! So I’m going to take a minute to dedicate this one to Brock, my awesome opinion editor (yup, he is my boss) and to Kat from Iowa on the girls’ basketball team. Y’all need to make sure you show some love to the girls’ basketball team as soon as the season starts. They are about to roll through the conference and just whoop up!
Dr. Love is neither for nor against long distance relationships, but there are definitely a lot of things to consider before embarking on such a stressful love affair. There are a lot of pitfalls awaiting a long distance love, yet it is a good way to gauge how serious you are about each other. Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?
You cannot underestimate the power of physicality! If you are dating someone who lives in another state and seldom get to see each other, it is going to be very hard to keep the feelings flowing. When I say physicality, I don’t mean make out sessions or whatever. What I am talking about here is the power of touch.
A loved one can make a bad day be forgotten quickly by just taking your hand and holding it, kissing you lightly on the cheek, forehead or lips. I know some of you guys are probably playing tough right now, pretending like you don’t like that, but I know you do! Now if you can only see this person every other weekend or heaven forbid once a month, that is definitely going to take its toll. I mean, what happens if something comes up and you can’t go visit that person for a while? No No No… that super stinks! At least if you were close by you could see each other for maybe just 10 minutes and have a tickling contest or something.
Why do people get in relationships to begin with? Most of the time it isn’t because of how attractive a person is. It is mostly because of the needs that a person can meet in your life! So if that person is not around to meet them, what really is going on? That would be like having an invisible boyfriend/girlfriend and not being able to date other people either. That’s pretty much being stuck between a rock and a hard place.
You get into relationships in order to be able to enjoy that person’s company. You don’t get into it for a phone conversation! If that’s what you want, you should just get on MySpace and start talking to hot people all over the country. You could definitely have a slew of relationships then!
Another aspect that makes a long distance relationship tough is that we are all super beautiful and attractive. As you are going through your daily routines, you will meet people who are attracted to you and want to spend quality time with you. Some of these friendships may start out innocently then unexpectedly blossom into something unintended. What happens then? Relationships are already difficult to begin with. This would definitely be an unnecessary problem. I mean, you obviously would not want to become a hermit for the rest of the time you are away from each other, so as you start giving in to hanging out, that gives you less time to be attentive to your long distance lover and also breeds jealousy in the relationship.
Let us also discuss the problem of trust. Your romance buddy might have legitimate reasons for not being able to talk or visit such as work, school commitments or financial obligations, and sometimes those might be misconstrued as mere excuses. That would definitely add another unwanted element to the relationship. For some of you out there, it is already tough to trust and this would be absolute torture that might lead to unnecessary arguments about who likes whom more.
There have sometimes been experiences where people have had great long distance relationships, but as soon as they move close to each other, it falls apart. This is sometimes attributed to conflicting personalities. I mean, it’s like those kooky cousins that you can only stand for a week at a time. Don’t lie, everybody has got that one family member who gets on their last nerve after day five. The distance between you sometimes gives you a false sense of love because you seldom see each other and when you do it makes you very giddy because of the ‘miss you’ factor.
Now, if a long distance relationship is something that you MUST absolutely do, it’s OK. Don’t be discouraged, persevere. Nothing comes easily; you have to work for it. You can make it through this. However, there will be a lot of times where patience and extreme trust will be needed. If you can make it through a long distance relationship, it definitely will firm the romance and make it stronger. It is the biggest trial of a relationship.
In order to have a successful long distance relationship, you MUST HAVE A STRONG FOUNDATION ON FRIENDSHIP! That is the only way you will make it through! This friendship foundation will help you weather the storm through the rocky times. If this is someone you think of as a best friend, who you absolutely trust, it will be a tad bit easier to be apart from each other. You will be less likely to nitpick each other about things you can’t really control, and you will be more likely to thoroughly enjoy the time you do get to spend together instead of focusing on the time that you are apart. Also, you will be able to downplay the physicality need a little bit more than if you were after a hot-and-steamy type of romance.
So listen, do your thang. If you recall, I wrote an article about going for what you really want. If this person is someone you know you want to be with, you will make a long distance relationship work! Or you can always make sacrifices in order to be close to each other.
Here are a few rules to remember: 1) Be attentive to the other person’s needs. 2) Don’t argue for any reason; just let it go. 3) Don’t allow jealousy, uncertainty or low self-esteem to ruin a good thing. 4) Don’t be a hermit. Go out and cultivate friendships with others. This will make things a lot easier especially if the long distance relationship fails.
As long as you’re happy, I’m happy. Just make sure you know what you are getting yourself into and be prepared for the low times, which will be followed by the great times.
| 
