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Dating site answers: What do you do next?

Date: 2006-10-13

You're just back from a date and you had a good time.

Now what?

Do you e-mail? Send a text message? Log onto the Internet dating site where you met to see if he has logged on since your date to look for someone else?

Or do you ignore all the technology at your fingertips and wait around the old-fashioned way?

That's where Sarna Lee and Rachel Begelman, both 31, come in.

The friends from Chicago, who have spent years giving their friends dating advice, recently launched a Web site called www.econfidant.com

You sign up -- it's $14.99 for one question or $19.99 a month for a full membership, allowing you to ask as many questions as you want. E-mail your questions. (The site gets about 50 a day.) Lee and Begelman or one of their 15 trained dating advisers will e-mail you an answer within 24 hours.

The difference between talking to Econfidant.com and your best friend is that the site takes an unbiased approach. There's no baggage. There's no secret jealousy.

"We know we can help people figure out what their best approach is," says Lee. "We sometimes can read between the lines."

The Econfidant.com belief: Dating has changed. Technology, which allows us to contact each other at all hours of the day or night, makes us oh so accessible.

With that in mind, here's some advice from the dating gurus.

It's fine to e-mail the next day. "Keep it light and breezy. `I had a great time.' You can even say ...`I'd love to meet up again,' " says Begelman.

You don't have to go out on a second date. "If you really didn't have a good time and you were looking at your clock and having more fun talking to the waiter or waitress than the person you're with, you can trust yourself," says Begelman. "Give yourself a break and say, `I'm sorry there just wasn't a spark.' "

The purpose of a first date is to find out if you're interested in a second date. "You're not deciding whether you're going to marry that person," says Lee. "The only thing you have to decide on a first date is whether you want to go out a second time."

A good mate is different from a good date. "If you think of good looks and having a fun time and someone who's funny, that kind of makes a good date," says Begelman.

"But making a good relationship is someone who is going to be up with you at 2 o'clock in the morning if you're upset about something and is not going to go out with their guy friends if they know you want to do something with him that night. Someone who is true ... may come off a little nerdy on the first date."

GEORGEA KOVANIS
Detroit Free Press




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