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Internet dating is not for the fainthearted

Date: 2006-07-18


The Orange County Register

Internet dating is booming. We hear all sorts of facts and claims tossed around by date-matching sites and Internet industry proponents. I recently heard there are approximately 400 matching services, and the industry has grown tenfold in the past few years.

Statements of success abound. Some sites claim to be the largest, others to have had thousands of marriages as a result of couples meeting on their sites.

But, for singles 50, 60 and 70-plus, is Internet dating all it's cracked up to be?

On a positive note, the Internet allows older singles to easily reach out across America to meet other singles. Some have met mates who live or work in the same city. The potential for finding a mate is real.

The negatives of Internet dating are numerous, too. So numerous that many older singles have given up on it or are avoiding it altogether. One O.C. woman in her 50s who requested confidentiality shared her story. I'll call her Sue.

Sue joined one of the large matching services and did what many older singles do, embellished her profile. She wrote she was two years younger and 2 inches taller than she is. A couple of years, a couple of inches, what's the big deal?

She also wrote that she lives in Newport Beach, but doesn't. She works in Newport Beach, but lives in a nearby city. Isn't that the same? What's a few miles among friends?

Sue met an O.C. man who lives nearby. "We had an unbelievable three weeks together and were destined for a long-term/marriage relationship," she said. Sounds like Internet dating worked for her and her new beau.

But then he learned of the profile embellishments. "He interpreted these as lies and said if I lied about these things, I would lie about other things and he never would have contacted me." He told Sue that he hates the city where she lives.

Sue said the man kept asking about her past relationships so she constantly talked about them, which made him mad. And yet, "He talked about his relationships and had many, many pictures of women that he dated (200). The more he talked, the more I talked. He said I bring angry feelings out in him and he didn't want to see me anymore," Sue said. And that ended the relationship.

Sue's story shows how people fib and masquerade as someone they aren't. Meeting someone compatible is difficult.

And yet there are enough success stories for people in their 50s, 60s and 70s that older singles continue to turn to the Internet.

Internet dating isn't for the faint of heart. People who can't handle rejection or rude treatment should avoid it. It shouldn't be a single's only avenue to meeting someone. The Internet is a new ballgame for older singles, and a tough one in which to play.





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